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Are Virgin Births on the Rise?

A few thoughts about virgin birth, a few days past the time this would have been timely.

The Immaculate Conception

The Immaculate Conception. The painting doesn’t make me any clearer on the mechanics of that situation. Apparently there were a few people, and a bird, watching. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A few days ago, retailers and people of Christian faiths celebrated what is acknowledged as the only virgin birth ever recorded. A few days before that, a study was released that found that one percent of women between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five years old who became pregnant claimed that they were virgins and conceived without the help of a man or any sort of medical assistance.

Let me pause here because I know that some of you are reading this and saying “a few days ago…and a few days before that. We’re talking about something that is soooooo two weeks ago, Oma.”

Look, just back off me, alright? I was busy and haven’t had the time to write about this until just now. You want current? CNN is open for business.

Moving on then…

One Percent

One percent. That’s not many. Unless you consider that there were 3.9 million births in the United States last year. If my math is correct, thirty-nine-thousand women insist they did not have sex and became pregnant by some other miracle. Thirty-nine-thousand people are the equivalent of a small town. Everyone in that small town thinks that all the rest of us are dumb enough to believe them.

Shame on them.

Right next to that town is another small town of thirty-nine-thousand irresponsible men who have no idea why the thirty-nine-thousand women in the neighboring city think they way they do. They have no idea why their partners think they way they do, but they’re really glad about it.

Shame on them and shame on the researchers for not looking further into what these guys think of virgin birth.

If Ikea Sold Condoms

I’ve drifted from my point a bit. Where I’m headed is that only an idiot would claim immaculate conception and think that the rest of us would simply believe it. It is tempting to be insulted by this, but the people making these claims are not bright enough to be malicious.

Perhaps you’re wondering where the line of “not bright enough to be malicious” is. I think it is more of a you’ll know it when you see it kind of situation. My opinion is that those incapable of figuring out simple physical tasks are incapable of malicious behavior.

Using a condom is about as simple as physical tasks become. Put the one way balloon on the blunt instrument, roll it down. If it doesn’t roll, turn the balloon over. Simple. Anyone able to figure it out. If Ikea sold condoms, their directions would only have two drawings. Ok, maybe three if you count the inset that shows that you should turn the condom over if at first you don’t succeed.

According to the study, those claiming virgin birth are less likely to understand how to use a condom.

Parents of these virgin mothers were five times more likely to say that they didn’t know enough about sex and contraception to be able to speak to their children about those topics.

Oh yeah, and a third of the “virgins” who gave birth had signed chastity pledges.

A Goal Metaphor Becomes A Hockey Metaphor That Becomes A Conclusion

So how about this? How about if we just all finally agree that it is important to have proper sex education in schools?

I see that you've touched my sperm. Go on, click him.

I created this guy 3 years ago for a (freshly pressed) post on my blog, so yeah, copyright – me.

Lets face it, we’re cool when we’re little. Then we hit that magical age where we go completely berserk. We become very goal oriented and we all agree on what the goal is. Even people who sign a pledge not to pick up a hockey stick until they’re married understand what the goal is; they’re just pledging not to get into the game before they understand how badly they’re going want to play.

There will be hockey games played. Even teens who plan to stay on the bench until they’re married are going to get in the game. Choosing not to teach them the rules isn’t going to stop them from playing. They deserve the opportunity to play in the safest manner possible.

Sex education in our schools is a must – partly because there are people who can’t figure out a condom and partly because we can lower unplanned pregnancy.

But mostly, I’m in favor of it because I hate when 39,000 stupid people lie to me.

(ooooh, look at me being all controversial and political and such)

About omawarisan (25 Articles)
Most who read my blog don't know me from the man in the moon. But they seem nice and I am, in fact, The Man In The Moon.

27 Comments on Are Virgin Births on the Rise?

  1. ” Apparently there were a few people, and a bird, watching.”

    I believe the bird is dropping the fairy dust that generated conception. Anyone who regularly watches children’s TV cartoon shows would know this. Duh!

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  2. 39,000, huh? Have you seen the pregnant teens episode of Maury? I’m surprised that number isn’t higher.

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on Is My Geek Showing? and commented:
    This is not something I usually get into on my blog, and don’t plan on getting too political here, but this was just great!

    Like

  4. Reblogged this on I Bibble Opinions. and commented:
    This is mad, truly.

    Like

  5. hey i’ve taught a very honest maturation / sex ed class to mixed gender 3rd-5th grade students. parents can choose to have them opt in or out. it was a great class for all. research says that your child will get their ‘information’ by age nine, and if you don’t give them the real info, all they have to go on is bad info most often.

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    • They’re combined now? Cool. When I took The Class back in the Pleistocene Era they moved boys and girls into separate rooms. For some reason I think that was the case for my son too, and he’s only 21.

      Just seems to me you can deny reality all you want but in the end, stuff is going to go on. I’d rather have kids understanding rather than trying to figure it our or worse, rely on their peers.

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      • absolutely, and the kids were so cool about it all. shy at first, then the sky was the limit on the second day, every kind of question you can imagine and then some. one told his dad, ‘you should take beth’s class, she’ll help you understand.’ his mom said every time he’d ask his dad about sex he said, ‘ask your mom,’ so he figured he didn’t know anything. loved that. information is power!

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  6. There are civilizations who have virgin births as part of their mysticism, some have human women plus a god (like Rome and Greece), and others have aliens coming from the sky and taking in woman for you-know-what.

    Given the lack of sex education in parts of the world, some woman rendered unconscious by drugs might not know how she became pregnant or even how pregnancy occurs. I have no doubt that there could be 39,000 such women in existence. 🙂

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  7. Nobody believes these girls, but, dammit, it really happened once 2000 years ago because some people who were mostly likely illiterate, uneducated, ignorant and who weren’t actually there, supposedly wrote it down and, therefore, it is fact.

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  8. I agree. I am advocating for sex education (or even “family life education” or any form of health education) for students in public schools with special needs. It feels like an uphill battle. In Virginia, where I live, it’s the law that every student has access to this education in schools, unless their parents opt out, but in several schools I know of, they are refusing or neglecting to provide it to special education students. One principal told me it wasn’t “relevant” for them, despite the many, many studies that prove that it is, and that it also has the side benefit of mitigating sexual abuse, which young people with special needs suffer at rates higher than neurotypical students. I fight hard for this, because I know it can prevent abuse, unwanted pregnancy, and STDs, and because people with special needs are sexual, just like the rest of us, and need to have this information to understand their bodies, make good INFORMED decisions about relationships, and be healthy.

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  9. Wait… you mean the… nasty thing… causes kids? Are you sure? Oh shit…

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  10. Wait – you mean if he pulls out, it still counts as sex?

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  11. Let me introduce you to my sister-in-law: http://escapingthepit.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/sister-in-law-number-3-fail/ I was waiting to post about her but this post inspired me to tell her story.

    I do agree with the need for better sex ed. Unfortunately, some girls just don’t get it no matter how much you try to explain it.

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  12. How are babies made? Medical anthropologists studying the Ongee Tribe (Andaman Islands) could not understand why the women were not giving birth. The researchers watched couples copulate, they checked sperm and eggs – fertile. Finally they asked the tribal shaman why there were no pregnancies…He replied, “Thats simple. Living here, trapped in your “refugee camp” is unnatural, we don’t want any babies to live without freedom. We don’t want another generation. …So we stopped performing the black bees wax ritual. Everyone knows that the ritual must be performed or there will not be a pregnancy. Any more stupid questions?” I kid you not.

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  13. My favorite book when I was about 4 was about how babies were made. It was quite scientific and also explained stuff about birds and other animals. The new babysitter was really shocked when she found out!

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  14. Dang, you mean they are lying?

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  15. I agree we should allow trained teachers to teach sex education in schools, considering the kind of sex education some people get from parents, friends, family, the street.

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  16. A flood of myths spouted to me during my youth came flooding back to me. The one I can remember the most clearly came from a foster home I was in. The woman of the household sat all the girls down and explained that we could allow boys to do whatever we wanted to let them do from the waist up but her number 1 rule was to, “never let boys touch you below the waist”. Well at least I never got pregnant.

    Like

  17. Excellent piece, Oma. On the contrary, get more political. It’s fun.

    Also, will you update your sperm drawing wearing an IKEA condom? He’s so cute.

    Like

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