Tag Archives: writing

interesting_nifty_funny_amazing_warning_signs_09200907241413412304 September 28

Warning labels could be impeding the Natural Selection process

There was a time when manufacturers included warnings on their products as a way to provide useful information that could potentially save our lives. Or, at the very least, our eyebrows and/or stomach lining. However, that all changed more than a decade ago when McDonald’s had to serve up a McMillion dollars to the woman […]

source: sisterwivesspeak.com September 15

The Sisterwives Mistakenly Interview Us

There is a group of powerful women writers who have collected together and formed the website: The Sisterwives. Should it be whom have collected? I don’t know. The grammar police will email me soon. They always do. I probably should have paid more attention in English class, but alas I have always run away from […]

320px-Male_lion_African_lion August 03

Five Other Hunts By Dr. Walter Palmer

Dr. Walter Palmer admits he killed Cecil The Lion. Here are five more things to get upset with him about.

160px-Shot_glass_with_Fishermans_friend June 11

Let’s Do Fireball Shots! Bad Idea.

Let’s do Fireball! Yeah! Good idea! Here’s why three of your friends are going to be carrying your drunk ass home.

kung fury June 05

The Future of Movies Has A Name: Kung Fury

Kung Fury hit Kickstarter back on December of 2013. This date will be as important to remember as all other important dates that we are made to remember…such as: There are a few others, but our Google hand is tired already. In an age of 53 gazillion dollar four hour blockbusters, this crowd funded 30 minute […]

Ned with an advanced copy of  "50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love." May 07

Part two: LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

As I mentioned in Part I of my Long Awkward Pause interview wth Ima Knowitall, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and was recently honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.” […]

image May 05

LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

With the release of her highly anticipated online novel Time-Traveling Vampires of Love just a few days away, I held little hope of getting an interview with Ima Knowitall when I called her private number on assignment for Long Awkward Pause this morning. Knowitall is the author of more than 40 online novels this past […]

thanksgiving2014 November 27

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

  The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around […]

Love_by_SillyPuttyEnemies October 24

Weird Things We Do For Love

It was 103º in July and I was driving 300 miles to see the snowboarding mountain upstart with the smoldering gaze I’d met on the slopes a few months earlier. My heart was a restless puppy. Forty miles into my drive, my 20-year-old Corolla’s temperature gauge was in the red, dangerously close to overheating. But […]

common-core-math-problem September 05

Common Core – The Death Of Math As We Know It (And Not In A Good Way)

“Daddy, I need your help,” the 7 year old says to me. “Sure honey…with what?” I respond. “Homework. Math. I don’t understand it.” Second grade math. Easy. Addition. Subtraction. Piece. Of. Cake. Now is my chance to look like a Super Hero! Captain Mathman! Super Subtraction-man! The Great Additionanator! With great pride and bravado I […]

Herve_Villechaize_1977 August 18

The Greatest Tattoo, Ever

The story of a great moment, told in the rambling style I would use if we were standing in a bar.

th August 08


Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Sudoku Master, and Crypto-zoologist     August 2014 will be marked simultaneously by the most beneficent and respectively the most dreadful of all astrological aspects. So buckle the f**k up, buttercup! The most dreadful astrological aspect will be the conjunction between Mars and Uranus, which will take place […]

315px-International_Morse_Code.svg July 10

Hip To Be … –.- ..- .- .-. .

Sometimes ironic, sometimes retro-chic, hipsters are the compass that points our culture toward cool. The horn rimmed glasses and skinny jeans have almost become the uniform of the mainstream, wanna-be hipster. Anyone wearing these is usually a poseur to the Nth degree or a model in a J. Crew ad. To keep themselves one step ahead of what society […]

cup June 30

The World Cup: Origins

So, what is that thing that happens on TV every four years that no one cares about when it isn’t on? No! Not the Olympics! Yes! The World Cup! In this, the first in a series of features in which I feature a series of how certain things came to be and/or live and exist […]

J. Crew catalog June 24

If Straight Guys Named the Colors in the J. Crew Catalog

When it comes to the creative naming of colors, gay men and the J. Crew catalog have got it on lock. Have you ever read a J. Crew catalog? Their sweater shades are not simply “red,” “green,” or “yellow.” Beige is “Carribean Sand.” Navy blue is “Night Shadow,” and so on. I once worked at a […]

toe ring 2 June 23

An Open Letter to Anyone Wearing Foot Jewelry

  Dear anklet (ankle bracelet) and toe ring wearers, On behalf of the world, I want to inform you that we’re all a little perplexed as to why you’d use accessories to accentuate what is arguably the least sexy part of the human body (unless you have a foot fetish or you like a big […]

LAPpic May 29

LAP Investigates: The Ice Cream Shoppe

Here at LAP, we keep our finger on the pulse of all the latest controversies and sources of political discord. Perhaps the most significant and polarizing issue facing the modern world has come to a head recently, and in an unprecedented exposé, we’ve gone undercover at the very source of the conflict—no, not Ukraine—the local […]

sajak May 21

Pat Sajak Overheats with Global Warming Tweet

What does Pat Sajak’s tweet about global warming prove? That he doesn’t know he’s just Pat Sajak and that cough medicine is very strong.
Also, this is the only thing you’ll read all day that mentions Rolf Benirschke.

tumblr_m3gt8d2J8g1qal8hpo4_5002 May 19

The Strange Phenomenon of Drawing Creepy Children to Sell Food

Do you have children? Do you feed them? If you answered YES to both of these questions, then I have another one for you. When you feed your children; do they look like crazy, demon possessed, insane asylum patients?     The Corporate America of yesteryear certainly felt that they did – as evidenced by […]

May 16

Should Ninjas Wear Fedoras?

Here at LAP, we like to consider ourselves good law-abiding citizens. Unless, of course, we are actually out having fun and not abiding by the law. All that aside, we have been intently following the story of recent mansion robberies in Southwest Florida. Not tensions in the Middle East or the deterioration of Social Security, […]


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