Tag Archives: news

source: http://www.sunnyskyz.com/ September 14

Shrek – The Sheep That Shorn The Shear

This is the Sheep, Shrek. Or as he is known to his friends: Shrek the Sheep. He lives in New Zealand and enjoys long walks on the beach, Mai Tais, Three’s Company reruns, and sunsets. What he doesn’t like is getting his hair cut. Shrek hated getting his hair cuts so much that he hid out in […]

oxforddictionary August 31

Word Has It

One fun annual event you might be unaware of is the Oxford English Dictionary’s release of new words. This announcement always entertains. At the same time, it can be frightening because you can think of it as a thermostat of how fast we’re dumbing the hell out of ourselves. Srsly. But on to the awesomesauce! […]

bostonteaparty2009_sm August 24

What If Modern Man Interfered With The Boston Tea Party…

Let’s travel back in time for just a second… And we are going to take a modern day 2015 man with us, with his iPhone 6, his Old Navy apparel, and his forward-thinking ways. 1773 Sons of Liberty: Thank you all for coming to this meeting to discuss our displeasure in receiving another tax on […]

covergirl-star-wars-nail-polish-nemesis August 17

Who Doesn’t Want To Date A Droid?

Her: “Are you ready for our big date tonight? Him: “Getting there…what are you going to wear?” Her: “I’m going to try something new. Cover Girl just came out with this interesting line of makeup. I’m going to give it a shot.” Him: “Oh yeah?” Her: “Yes! I really think you’re going to like it!” Him: “I’m […]

3d small people - lying on a question mark August 10

Who Said That?! Lincoln, Trump, or Ramsay

It’s time to play everyone’s favorite game… Who Said That?! Lincoln, Trump, Or Ramsay How it’s played: In each box will be a quote made famous by either: Beloved 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln: Real Estate Tycoon and running for the GOP nomination, Donald Trump: or TV Chef, Gordon Ramsey:

bubblewrap July 13

R.I.P. Bubble Wrap 1957- 2015

Dearly Beloved, We are gathered here today…to mourn the loss of one of the truly greats of these modern times…an innovator that ranges from low tech fun to functional packing protector, impromptu pillow, wallpaper substitute, and so much more.

dog June 16

Attention Dog Lovers Who Hate Dead Dogs On Film

Jack actually found this web site, but I stole the story from him. It’s the Internet Movie Database for whether or not a dog is killed in a movie, and it’s called: Does the Dog Die?

david2 June 08

All The Late Night Talk Show Hosts Are Leaving Earth

The faces of late night TV are changing, and they all seem to be changing at the same time. Let’s investigate that.

kung fury June 05

The Future of Movies Has A Name: Kung Fury

Kung Fury hit Kickstarter back on December of 2013. This date will be as important to remember as all other important dates that we are made to remember…such as: There are a few others, but our Google hand is tired already. In an age of 53 gazillion dollar four hour blockbusters, this crowd funded 30 minute […]

Ned with an advanced copy of  "50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love." May 07

Part two: LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

As I mentioned in Part I of my Long Awkward Pause interview wth Ima Knowitall, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and was recently honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.” […]

credit: grail games April 29

Win One Zero One The Card Game!

Now that Long Awkward Pause has hit the big time…and by big time we mean ALL of our Moms now read it…we have stock piled a mass of things to give away. (Big thanks to my Mom for finally jumping on board. She was the last lone hold out.) Who doesn’t like to receive things for free? […]

KRAFT_Macaroni-Cheese_Dinner April 23

The End of the World Tastes Like Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Because all of the Long Awkward Pause readers are smart, savvy and don’t live under rocks (except for a guy named Hogan from Idaho), you by now know that the iconic food staple of American Obesity Childhood will change.  Yes, Mac and Cheese will shift from the nuclear sunset orange color we all know and […]

bump-pic-TV April 19

LAP TV: Ridiculous News Titles And Ned’s Secrets To Incredible Acting

  Jacyln visits some ridiculous news titles found from the web and Ned takes you on an inside look into the world of acting:     MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE: Facebook: Long Awkward Pause Twitter: @LongAwkPause Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic LAP TV: YouTube Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

obesity March 30

Science links obesity to fat, lazy microbes

Scientists at Cornell University have created a device capable of measuring the weight of a single cell. This is big news because it moves us beyond the limits of sub-gram measurements “nano,” “pico” and “femto,” and into an exciting new realm of measurements known as “zeppo,” “harpo” and “groucho.” This could eventually lead to the […]

X-factor-one-direction-2013 March 27

Your One Direction Questions Answered

Looking for answers about One Direction and why Zayn left? I’m here for you.

manhood February 23

After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood

It was a tough week for the male persuasion. However, now that the 50 Shades of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shellshocked and checking for survivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of 50 Shades, we were also flanked by Valentine’s Day AND word of […]

50 shades wine February 12

This Weekend’s Forecast: Sex and Wine

You know what’s happening this weekend is, don’t you? Let me give you a hint – it’s a special day that celebrates love. Many women have been waiting months for this day so that they can revel in a night of pure romance.   Meanwhile, many men will be spending a night out with their significant […]

source: dividedstates.com February 06

Post Your Brian Williams Misrememberances Here.

Brian Williams. He said his helicopter was shot down, but now…not so much. Long Awkward Pause is your place to shoot Brian Williams down with your derisive misrememberances.

Image public domain January 08

You Don’t Know How I Feel – All About Windchill

How do they calculate wind chill? I’ll tell you, but I’m also going to tell you that it is bullshit.

facebook December 08

99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

If you have spent more than a few minutes on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of Facebook posts are actually very similar in nature. In fact, you could probably rephrase most of Facebook posts as one of the updates below, thus summarizing 99% of entire Facebook in fewer than 100 words.


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