Tag Archives: news

Ned with an advanced copy of  "50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love." May 07

Part two: LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

As I mentioned in Part I of my Long Awkward Pause interview wth Ima Knowitall, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and was recently honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.” […]

credit: grail games April 29

Win One Zero One The Card Game!

Now that Long Awkward Pause has hit the big time…and by big time we mean ALL of our Moms now read it…we have stock piled a mass of things to give away. (Big thanks to my Mom for finally jumping on board. She was the last lone hold out.) Who doesn’t like to receive things for free? […]

KRAFT_Macaroni-Cheese_Dinner April 23

The End of the World Tastes Like Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Because all of the Long Awkward Pause readers are smart, savvy and don’t live under rocks (except for a guy named Hogan from Idaho), you by now know that the iconic food staple of American Obesity Childhood will change.  Yes, Mac and Cheese will shift from the nuclear sunset orange color we all know and […]

bump-pic-TV April 19

LAP TV: Ridiculous News Titles And Ned’s Secrets To Incredible Acting

  Jacyln visits some ridiculous news titles found from the web and Ned takes you on an inside look into the world of acting:     MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE: Facebook: Long Awkward Pause Twitter: @LongAwkPause Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic LAP TV: YouTube Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

obesity March 30

Science links obesity to fat, lazy microbes

Scientists at Cornell University have created a device capable of measuring the weight of a single cell. This is big news because it moves us beyond the limits of sub-gram measurements “nano,” “pico” and “femto,” and into an exciting new realm of measurements known as “zeppo,” “harpo” and “groucho.” This could eventually lead to the […]

X-factor-one-direction-2013 March 27

Your One Direction Questions Answered

Looking for answers about One Direction and why Zayn left? I’m here for you.

manhood February 23

After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood

It was a tough week for the male persuasion. However, now that the 50 Shades of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shellshocked and checking for survivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of 50 Shades, we were also flanked by Valentine’s Day AND word of […]

50 shades wine February 12

This Weekend’s Forecast: Sex and Wine

You know what’s happening this weekend is, don’t you? Let me give you a hint – it’s a special day that celebrates love. Many women have been waiting months for this day so that they can revel in a night of pure romance.   Meanwhile, many men will be spending a night out with their significant […]

source: dividedstates.com February 06

Post Your Brian Williams Misrememberances Here.

Brian Williams. He said his helicopter was shot down, but now…not so much. Long Awkward Pause is your place to shoot Brian Williams down with your derisive misrememberances.

Image public domain January 08

You Don’t Know How I Feel – All About Windchill

How do they calculate wind chill? I’ll tell you, but I’m also going to tell you that it is bullshit.

facebook December 08

99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

If you have spent more than a few minutes on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of Facebook posts are actually very similar in nature. In fact, you could probably rephrase most of Facebook posts as one of the updates below, thus summarizing 99% of entire Facebook in fewer than 100 words.

burtreynolds December 04

Just In Time For Christmas – The Burt Reynolds Auction

Burt Reynolds. Remember him? The well-known actor with 178 film and television credits? You’d think that a guy who scored big roles in such classics as W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings, Smokey and the Bandit, Deliverance and Striptease would be squared away as far as cash flow. Apparently not. Burt is facing foreclosure on […]

thanksgiving2014 November 27

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

  The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around […]

November 26

Report: Millennials Staying at the Kids’ Table Longer

Corroborating with statistics that show Millennials are living at home in their parents’ basements longer than previous generations, a new study released by researchers at Cornell University found that a startling 89% of Millennials plan on staying at the Thanksgiving kids’ table for as long as possible. “Whether the constituents of the kids’ table were […]

Love_by_SillyPuttyEnemies October 24

Weird Things We Do For Love

It was 103º in July and I was driving 300 miles to see the snowboarding mountain upstart with the smoldering gaze I’d met on the slopes a few months earlier. My heart was a restless puppy. Forty miles into my drive, my 20-year-old Corolla’s temperature gauge was in the red, dangerously close to overheating. But […]

nowork September 11

Inventive Excuses To Not Go To Work

Every now and then life conspires against us and causes uncontrollable events.  These events intersect our lives in a way that can have very real job consequences.  In these sphincter-tightening moments, it helps to have a solid repertoire

common-core-math-problem September 05

Common Core – The Death Of Math As We Know It (And Not In A Good Way)

“Daddy, I need your help,” the 7 year old says to me. “Sure honey…with what?” I respond. “Homework. Math. I don’t understand it.” Second grade math. Easy. Addition. Subtraction. Piece. Of. Cake. Now is my chance to look like a Super Hero! Captain Mathman! Super Subtraction-man! The Great Additionanator! With great pride and bravado I […]

saturday six button August 16

The Saturday Six: Help Me Catch The Sun!

  There is not a whole lot to say about this Saturday’s Six except it made the office crack up. (Well it made Chris crack up…for hours…like a loony. So much so we almost called an ambulance. He is actually still laughing…on the floor…rolling around. ) This guy asked the internet for help in Photoshopping […]

saturday six button August 09

The Saturday Six: Copy’cat’ Modeling Portfolio Pics

   We, at Long Awkward Pause, have been complaining for years now about Cats taking over the internet. We first noticed the cat infiltration happening as early as 1973. You see, cats are smart. They are not just trying to take over the internet in a single day. Oh no! They have slowly and methodically, kilobyte by kilobyte taking […]

th August 08

LONG AWKWARD PAUSE PRESENTS: AUGUST 2014 HOROSCOPES

Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Sudoku Master, and Crypto-zoologist     August 2014 will be marked simultaneously by the most beneficent and respectively the most dreadful of all astrological aspects. So buckle the f**k up, buttercup! The most dreadful astrological aspect will be the conjunction between Mars and Uranus, which will take place […]

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