Tag Archives: news

facebook December 08

99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

If you have spent more than a few minutes on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of Facebook posts are actually very similar in nature. In fact, you could probably rephrase most of Facebook posts as one of the updates below, thus summarizing 99% of entire Facebook in fewer than 100 words.

burtreynolds December 04

Just In Time For Christmas – The Burt Reynolds Auction

Burt Reynolds. Remember him? The well-known actor with 178 film and television credits? You’d think that a guy who scored big roles in such classics as W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings, Smokey and the Bandit, Deliverance and Striptease would be squared away as far as cash flow. Apparently not. Burt is facing foreclosure on […]

thanksgiving2014 November 27

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

  The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around […]

November 26

Report: Millennials Staying at the Kids’ Table Longer

Corroborating with statistics that show Millennials are living at home in their parents’ basements longer than previous generations, a new study released by researchers at Cornell University found that a startling 89% of Millennials plan on staying at the Thanksgiving kids’ table for as long as possible. “Whether the constituents of the kids’ table were […]

Love_by_SillyPuttyEnemies October 24

Weird Things We Do For Love

It was 103º in July and I was driving 300 miles to see the snowboarding mountain upstart with the chiseled chin and smoldering gaze I’d met on the slopes a few months earlier. My heart was a restless puppy jumping in my throat. Forty miles into my drive, my 20-year-old Corolla’s temperature gauge was in […]

nowork September 11

Inventive Excuses To Not Go To Work

Every now and then life conspires against us and causes uncontrollable events.  These events intersect our lives in a way that can have very real job consequences.  In these sphincter-tightening moments, it helps to have a solid repertoire

common-core-math-problem September 05

Common Core – The Death Of Math As We Know It (And Not In A Good Way)

“Daddy, I need your help,” the 7 year old says to me. “Sure honey…with what?” I respond. “Homework. Math. I don’t understand it.” Second grade math. Easy. Addition. Subtraction. Piece. Of. Cake. Now is my chance to look like a Super Hero! Captain Mathman! Super Subtraction-man! The Great Additionanator! With great pride and bravado I […]

The Original August 16

The Saturday Six: Help Me Catch The Sun!

  There is not a whole lot to say about this Saturday’s Six except it made the office crack up. (Well it made Chris crack up…for hours…like a loony. So much so we almost called an ambulance. He is actually still laughing…on the floor…rolling around. ) This guy asked the internet for help in Photoshopping […]

image August 09

The Saturday Six: Cats Copying Models

   We, at Long Awkward Pause, have been complaining for years now about Cats taking over the internet. We first noticed the cat infiltration happening as early as 1973. You see, cats are smart. They are not just trying to take over the internet in a single day. Oh no! They have slowly and methodically, kilobyte by kilobyte taking […]

th August 08

LONG AWKWARD PAUSE PRESENTS: AUGUST 2014 HOROSCOPES

Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Sudoku Master, and Crypto-zoologist     August 2014 will be marked simultaneously by the most beneficent and respectively the most dreadful of all astrological aspects. So buckle the f**k up, buttercup! The most dreadful astrological aspect will be the conjunction between Mars and Uranus, which will take place […]

covering-eyes August 04

Thanks for the help, Google, but you can stop now

The Internet is a wonderful, magical place filled with mountains of information on every subject you could possibly imagine, but let’s face it: somebody needs to tell Google that there are some things we just don’t want to know. Take, for example, a recent conversation I had with my gracefully-aging but non-net-savvy father about a […]

baby4 August 02

The Saturday Six: Weird Pregnancy Photos

   From that first time peeing on the pregnancy test stick to the final pushing of life from the nether regions of your spouse/girlfriend/baby momma, pregnancy is a joyous and hard celebration of our continuing existence of the human race. Much like other milestones in life, pregnancy has it’s traditional rituals. There is the  buying the ‘What […]

statefood July 31

STATE OF FOOD

One of those fluff pieces that our lamestream media insert into online content to balance out the death, destruction and general asshattery of our elected official buffoons that chokes out our eyeballs like cholesterol in a fat guy’s aorta are common.  One such “article” piqued my interest – Official State foods. At first glance, official […]

wtf July 26

The Saturday Six: Provocative Doodles

   David Jablow is a multi-media artist who took some suggestive mid-2oth century “doodle pads” and added his own creative flair to them. Remember kiddies, this is back before internet porn. This is what you call: Do-it-yourself-porn. Hopefully you good at drawing…accessories.     Below is the doodle we picked to feature on this week’s SS6 because of […]

headline July 19

The Saturday Six: WTF Headlines

  Grandfather had a special way to fold his newspaper when he read it. It was quite the origami master fold. It was so he could read the paper easier and then end with the jumble puzzle as a treat for getting through the boring political sections. For those unfamiliar with newspapers, they are long […]

statelaws July 12

The Saturday Six: Weird Driving Laws

  If you haven’t seen the show, House of Cards, it’s about the corruption and intrigue behind the nation’s capital. Did we mention it stars a friend of ours? *Name drop in 5…4…3….* Kevin Spacey! In the show…between killing drunk Congressmen, back stabbing the President, fighting the Chinese, and some good old fashion lesbian sex…you get […]

315px-International_Morse_Code.svg July 10

Hip To Be … –.- ..- .- .-. .

Sometimes ironic, sometimes retro-chic, hipsters are the compass that points our culture toward cool. The horn rimmed glasses and skinny jeans have almost become the uniform of the mainstream, wanna-be hipster. Anyone wearing these is usually a poseur to the Nth degree or a model in a J. Crew ad. To keep themselves one step ahead of what society […]

inappfeature July 05

The Saturday Six: Inappropriate Kid’s Notes

   Oh, kids… They are the light of your life, the pain in your neck, the meaning of your existence, and the drain on your pocket book. So when one of your little offspring comes waddling up to you in their little feety pajamas with the back butt flap half buttoned and hands you a […]

cup June 30

The World Cup: Origins

So, what is that thing that happens on TV every four years that no one cares about when it isn’t on? No! Not the Olympics! Yes! The World Cup! In this, the first in a series of features in which I feature a series of how certain things came to be and/or live and exist […]

meeks June 28

The Saturday Six: Sexy Mugshot Guy

  What does it take to get your 15 minutes of fame on the internet? Apparently some baby blue eyes and five counts of weapon possession and one count of gang related activities. Jeremy Meek’s mugshot went viral after the Stockton Police Department released his mugshot on Facebook. Who knew the police department was so […]

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