Tag Archives: long awkward pause

The Original August 16

The Saturday Six: Help Me Catch The Sun!

  There is not a whole lot to say about this Saturday’s Six except it made the office crack up. (Well it made Chris crack up…for hours…like a loony. So much so we almost called an ambulance. He is actually still laughing…on the floor…rolling around. ) This guy asked the internet for help in Photoshopping […]

download (1) August 14

The Official Handshake Etiquette Guidebook

Shaking hands is a greeting ritual dating back to the early Neolithic period.  Apparently, somewhere around that time people decided it was more appropriate than licking someone’s face to acknowledge a clan member.  There’s your fun history fact for the day. This custom and its many variations have lead to some confusion after the advent of Instagram, but […]

robin williams August 13

Long Awkward Pause Celebrates Robin Williams

There is no doubt your Facebook/Twitter feeds are currently full of pictures of Mrs. Doubtfire as well as Aladdin and that hilarious genie sharing a heartfelt hug. No secret as of today, Robin Williams is dead. Social media is mourning, the only way Social media can. That’s by sharing animated gifs, frowny emoticons, and pictures of […]

image August 09

The Saturday Six: Cats Copying Models

   We, at Long Awkward Pause, have been complaining for years now about Cats taking over the internet. We first noticed the cat infiltration happening as early as 1973. You see, cats are smart. They are not just trying to take over the internet in a single day. Oh no! They have slowly and methodically, kilobyte by kilobyte taking […]

covering-eyes August 04

Thanks for the help, Google, but you can stop now

The Internet is a wonderful, magical place filled with mountains of information on every subject you could possibly imagine, but let’s face it: somebody needs to tell Google that there are some things we just don’t want to know. Take, for example, a recent conversation I had with my gracefully-aging but non-net-savvy father about a […]

baby4 August 02

The Saturday Six: Weird Pregnancy Photos

   From that first time peeing on the pregnancy test stick to the final pushing of life from the nether regions of your spouse/girlfriend/baby momma, pregnancy is a joyous and hard celebration of our continuing existence of the human race. Much like other milestones in life, pregnancy has it’s traditional rituals. There is the  buying the ‘What […]

statefood July 31

STATE OF FOOD

One of those fluff pieces that our lamestream media insert into online content to balance out the death, destruction and general asshattery of our elected official buffoons that chokes out our eyeballs like cholesterol in a fat guy’s aorta are common.  One such “article” piqued my interest – Official State foods. At first glance, official […]

bucketlist July 28

Guest Post: Bucket List

    Angelle doesn’t like cilantro, likes inappropriate jokes, and is dating Superman. Donate to her Kickstarter to bring back the monocle and then check out her site: She Drives A Vegetable Car.         You’re about to turn 30. What have you done? 30 is SO OLD. Like, really, really old. You might even remember […]

wtf July 26

The Saturday Six: Provocative Doodles

   David Jablow is a multi-media artist who took some suggestive mid-2oth century “doodle pads” and added his own creative flair to them. Remember kiddies, this is back before internet porn. This is what you call: Do-it-yourself-porn. Hopefully you good at drawing…accessories.     Below is the doodle we picked to feature on this week’s SS6 because of […]

Yes, Minnesota, even you have reason to fear a Sharknado. July 23

LAP advisory: In the event of a Sharknado, find the nearest catfish noodler

We all know it’s only a matter of time before “The Big One” hits the West Coast, probably somewhere in California first because, let’s face it, they get everything first. The aftershocks will then spread north along Oregon’s coastline, which is exactly where I happen to live. I’ve prepared myself for The Big One as […]

headline July 19

The Saturday Six: WTF Headlines

  Grandfather had a special way to fold his newspaper when he read it. It was quite the origami master fold. It was so he could read the paper easier and then end with the jumble puzzle as a treat for getting through the boring political sections. For those unfamiliar with newspapers, they are long […]

image July 14

LAP’s Staff Contest Winner Pictures

Congratulations again to our contest winner, Catherine! She’s the author of the blog, Always a Redhead, and sole proprietor of the only Long Awkward Pause swag on the planet to date.  Well, that is unless there’s another Long Awkward Pause that we’re not aware of that is preparing to spank our butts with a copyright infringement suit […]

statelaws July 12

The Saturday Six: Weird Driving Laws

  If you haven’t seen the show, House of Cards, it’s about the corruption and intrigue behind the nation’s capital. Did we mention it stars a friend of ours? *Name drop in 5…4…3….* Kevin Spacey! In the show…between killing drunk Congressmen, back stabbing the President, fighting the Chinese, and some good old fashion lesbian sex…you get […]

inappfeature July 05

The Saturday Six: Inappropriate Kid’s Notes

   Oh, kids… They are the light of your life, the pain in your neck, the meaning of your existence, and the drain on your pocket book. So when one of your little offspring comes waddling up to you in their little feety pajamas with the back butt flap half buttoned and hands you a […]

fireworks July 02

Today’s fireworks: Almost as exciting as burning your old socks

Except for those living in Missouri, where the only fireworks restriction is a requirement that all skyrockets exceeding the length of a standard boat trailer be flagged during transport, most Americans have watched their Independence Day fireworks excitement dwindle from first-strike capability through the 1990s, to today’s wimpy sparklers and fountains with spark-spitting action equal […]

meeks June 28

The Saturday Six: Sexy Mugshot Guy

  What does it take to get your 15 minutes of fame on the internet? Apparently some baby blue eyes and five counts of weapon possession and one count of gang related activities. Jeremy Meek’s mugshot went viral after the Stockton Police Department released his mugshot on Facebook. Who knew the police department was so […]

image June 21

The Saturday Six: Popular Brand Slogans Revised

Before the advent of marketing, there was a time when people lived in grass huts and ate acorns for breakfast.  It was a much simpler time back then, because people didn’t have to stand in line on Black Friday to buy TVs to watch Kim Kardashian. Instead, they drew pictures of her on rocks with sticks covered in animal dung. […]

LAP Aniversary Banner June 19

Long Awkward Pause Pop Quiz Winner Announced!

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Boy, placing an exclamation point after a contest announcement really hypes it up, eh?  Exclamation points add so much excitement!  Without one, the context completely changes. But enough of the grammar lessons, because it’s time to reveal the winner of the Long Awkward Pause Pop Quiz!  And one more exclamation point just for fun! Here […]

got June 16

Goodbye Game of Thrones Season 4

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Game of Thrones ends another season, and what a season it was! Below is a little tune written to Elton John’s Candle In The Wind to help celebrate last night’s season ending episode. It doesn’t give away too many spoilers, but if you’re not caught up by now…whose fault is that? Goodbye Game of Thrones […]

pombfeature June 14

The Saturday Six: Animal Photo Bombs

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The world is divided up into two categories: Animal Lovers and Animal Haters. The Animal Lovers enjoy all sorts of living creatures. They like the furry ones. They like the slimy ones. They like them in the yard, they like them in the car. They would like to take them to the bar.Yes, Sam […]

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