Tag Archives: fiction

smashtv June 04

Daytime TV: Stealing Your IQ Points One Channel At A Time

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Occasionally I leave the office and eat my lunch at home. I get to spend an hour away from the LAP compound (where the microwave still hasn’t been repaired since Chowderhead’s famous Chef Boyardee incident) [Editor’s Note:  it was a faulty fuse], plus I get the added bonus of catching a few minutes of […]

LAPpic May 29

LAP Investigates: The Ice Cream Shoppe

Here at LAP, we keep our finger on the pulse of all the latest controversies and sources of political discord. Perhaps the most significant and polarizing issue facing the modern world has come to a head recently, and in an unprecedented exposé, we’ve gone undercover at the very source of the conflict—no, not Ukraine—the local […]

o-ASSEMBLING-FURNITURE-facebook copy May 27

LAP’s 12 Step Guide to Assembling Cheap Furniture

  Knowing how to assemble cheap furniture is an important domestic skill that is often overlooked today.  It’s not as valuable as learning how to iron out the perfect pleat, or how to remove alcohol-enriched vomit stains from your microsuede, but it’s up there. Please note that no matter what type of cheap furniture piece you decide […]

unfriend May 02

Purging Facebook Friends: Psychological Warfare At Its Finest

Deep in the bunkers here at the Long Awkward Pause Command Post, we often receive emails from helpful readers who alert our crack team of investigative journalists to important breaking news stories. In accordance with our strict standards of journalistic integrity, we carefully review every submission, especially the ones that contain Starbucks gift cards and […]

Fred and Smokey February 10

Monday Mashups: It’s Friday in Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood

Welcome to the very first installment of Monday Mashups!   Right now you’re probably rubbing your tired eyes and asking yourself, “what’s a Mashup?”  Or, more likely, you’re pounding your alarm clock into the floor with a waffle iron and crying about it being Monday morning again.  We can’t help with the latter because we […]

"Hi kids! Twinkie the Kid here to remind you to eat my family. Mmm, that's good baby brother..." August 02

Twinkie The Kid Starts A Comeback

When you leave the academy, they say that you’re ready. That is mostly true. And then you find one of your childhood icons passed out in an alley and you realize there’s no such thing as ready. I was working the west side, overnight shift. Something caught my eye. Were those legs and cowboy boots sticking […]

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