Tag Archives: comedy

peanut October 30

Mr. Peanut – Behind The Monocle, Pain

Mr. Peanut. He’s a great guy, but he’s got a flaw that leaves him vulnerable. Here’s how you can help.

DSC02099 October 27

5 Last Minute DIY Halloween Costumes (For People Who Suck at DIYing)

Halloweek is upon us, and there are just five days left to find a distinctive costume that reflects your true Halloween self. Will you wear a cheesy couples costume? Will your areolas be visible? Will you be that person at a party who wears your normal, ugly clothes and makes a point of telling everyone, […]

pumpkinfeature October 25

The Saturday Six: Epic Pumpkin Mannequins

   This whole month we have been talking about pumpkins. Some of us…hate them. Some of us…mildly tolerate them. One of us is excited for Christmas already. While most of the country is busy bitching about Pumpkin Spice and the other Spice Girls, and carving the traditional square, square, triangle, half moon with teeth into […]

Love_by_SillyPuttyEnemies October 24

Weird Things We Do For Love

It was 103º in July and I was driving 300 miles to see the snowboarding mountain upstart with the chiseled chin and smoldering gaze I’d met on the slopes a few months earlier. My heart was a restless puppy jumping in my throat. Forty miles into my drive, my 20-year-old Corolla’s temperature gauge was in […]

fitsfeatured October 18

The Saturday Six: Symmetrical

   We all have that one friend…that one person…who needs everything just so, just right, everything in it’s place, everything lined up, everything where it should be… And if you can’t think of that one friend or relative who is like that….guess what? It’s you! You can call it a disorder. You can call it […]

ned October 16

SPECIAL REPORT: Ebola virus may spread faster than Brad-Angelina sex tape

To avoid creating widespread panic with that headline, let me begin by assuring everyone there’s NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT! You did not somehow miss a Brad and Angelina sex tape that was leaked onto the Internet. However, before giving a huge sigh of relief, there’s still that whole Ebola thing going on in Texas which, […]

phones October 11

The Saturday Six: Daily Life Facts

  Do you know what’s funny? The World. Do you know why it’s so gosh darn funny? Because even when you look around you and everything seems to make sense…it doesn’t. Sometimes if you take a moment to peel back the layers, nothing at all makes sense. Take for example: Turtle Neck Sweaters. On the […]

costumefeatured October 04

The Saturday Six: Group Halloween Costumes

  Halloween will be here faster than you know it. When most of the staffers at Long Awkward Pause were kids, the vinyl costume ruled the streets. This was the one where the mask was plastic and went around your head with an elastic band. While the costume itself, you stepped into like surgical scrubs, […]

themoreyouknow October 02

This Week I Learned Pt III

Reddit.com has this great feature called: Today I Learned, which complies little interesting and trivial facts about random things. We here at Long Awkward Pause have gathered a sample of some that we found worthy of mention:   A company is now able to mass produce spider silk. They inserted the genes of the spider into […]

pumpkins September 29

I’ve Been Meaning To Talk To You About Him…

He’s leaving. He’s taking your money with him when he does…again. How do you not see this coming?

cfeature September 27

The Saturday Six: Coloring Book Corruptions

   As a child, coloring was always a good time waster. It didn’t matter whether or not you colored in the lines, out of the lines, or  like Robin Thicke, and colored with blurred lines. And half naked dancing girls. And Miley Cyrus, with a foam finger. Taking a poll amongst the staffers of Long Awkward […]

spider September 22

Let us Band together and Eradicate the world from Spiders

Contrary to what many scientists believe, there are only two varieties of spiders in the world: 1.) fugging nasty spiders 2.) fugging nasty spiders with fur No need to get into genus and all that crap, because when you discover one perched on the ceiling monitoring your sleep status, you probably don’t give a hoot about what […]

notesfeature September 20

The Saturday Six: Passive/Aggressive Notes

   We all have that one friend…that one person…who is soooooo passive/aggressive it just kills you. Like they ooze it. You know whenever you engage this person in conversation, you will immediately end up with a headache. One example of our favorite passive/aggressive things that people do, is when they have a name that is […]

fonze September 18

It’s official: Everyone wants to be cool

A recent poll conducted by the staff here at Long Awkward Pause suggests that a whopping 95 percent of Americans (living within a one-block radius of LAP headquarters) either want to be — or already consider themselves to be — really cool. And not just because of their proximity to our office. I should point […]

inventions September 16

The Greatest Inventions That Don’t Get Enough Credit

Throughout the decades and centuries there has been some inventions that have changed the world….fire, the wheel, the assembly line, the Victoria Secret Bra,and the iPhone….just to name a few. But there are the unsung heroes of the invention world that never get any praise or spotlight, yet we can’t live without them.   The Windshield […]

pizzafeature September 13

The Saturday Six: Pizza! Pizza!

   There are a list of perfect foods in the world. Everyone’s order of the foods would be different, but we think the list would be fairly similar for everyone. One of the foods in the list would definitely be pizza. And how could it not? It’s almost the perfect food. You could make the crust anything […]

mobile-15632-1409343324-30 September 06

The Saturday Six: Awkward Kid Photos

   Ah…. The innocence of youth, and how it’s wasted on the young. Those darling apples of your eyes… Hey…what does that mean anyway? Apples don’t have eyes. Eyes don’t have apples. Oops. Sorry. We digress. Let’s try again. Those darling apples of your eyes…. Listen…seriously…who came up with that? Potatoes have eyes. That would […]

common-core-math-problem September 05

Common Core – The Death Of Math As We Know It (And Not In A Good Way)

“Daddy, I need your help,” the 7 year old says to me. “Sure honey…with what?” I respond. “Homework. Math. I don’t understand it.” Second grade math. Easy. Addition. Subtraction. Piece. Of. Cake. Now is my chance to look like a Super Hero! Captain Mathman! Super Subtraction-man! The Great Additionanator! With great pride and bravado I […]

themoreyouknow September 04

This Week I Learned Pt II

Reddit.com has this great feature called: Today I Learned, which complies little interesting and trivial facts about random things. We here at Long Awkward Pause have gathered a sample of some that we found worthy of mention:   The price of admission for a zoo in 18th century England was a dog or a cat — […]

nailfeature August 30

The Saturday Six: Pop Culture Nails

   Nailed it! That’s right…we told a joke that your Great Uncle Herbert or your Dad might tell. It’s not beneath us. We went for the cheap laughs. We will do it again. Hey! No! We do not  feel like we have had enough to drink yet…nor do we feel like we are ruining Little […]

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