Tag Archives: boobs

headline July 19

The Saturday Six: WTF Headlines

  Grandfather had a special way to fold his newspaper when he read it. It was quite the origami master fold. It was so he could read the paper easier and then end with the jumble puzzle as a treat for getting through the boring political sections. For those unfamiliar with newspapers, they are long […]

statelaws July 12

The Saturday Six: Weird Driving Laws

  If you haven’t seen the show, House of Cards, it’s about the corruption and intrigue behind the nation’s capital. Did we mention it stars a friend of ours? *Name drop in 5…4…3….* Kevin Spacey! In the show…between killing drunk Congressmen, back stabbing the President, fighting the Chinese, and some good old fashion lesbian sex…you get […]

inappfeature July 05

The Saturday Six: Inappropriate Kid’s Notes

   Oh, kids… They are the light of your life, the pain in your neck, the meaning of your existence, and the drain on your pocket book. So when one of your little offspring comes waddling up to you in their little feety pajamas with the back butt flap half buttoned and hands you a […]

themoreyouknow July 03

This Week I Learned

Troy aka Ad-libbed was supposed to post today but went into the hospital for emergency kidney surgery. He is doing well, but will have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and get his fill of red jello. Please send him some well wishes in the comments section below. In the meantime….Reddit.com […]

meeks June 28

The Saturday Six: Sexy Mugshot Guy

  What does it take to get your 15 minutes of fame on the internet? Apparently some baby blue eyes and five counts of weapon possession and one count of gang related activities. Jeremy Meek’s mugshot went viral after the Stockton Police Department released his mugshot on Facebook. Who knew the police department was so […]

got June 16

Goodbye Game of Thrones Season 4

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Game of Thrones ends another season, and what a season it was! Below is a little tune written to Elton John’s Candle In The Wind to help celebrate last night’s season ending episode. It doesn’t give away too many spoilers, but if you’re not caught up by now…whose fault is that? Goodbye Game of Thrones […]

pombfeature June 14

The Saturday Six: Animal Photo Bombs

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The world is divided up into two categories: Animal Lovers and Animal Haters. The Animal Lovers enjoy all sorts of living creatures. They like the furry ones. They like the slimy ones. They like them in the yard, they like them in the car. They would like to take them to the bar.Yes, Sam […]

penis June 07

The Saturday Six: Bad Children’s Books

  The bed time story… A tradition that is fading fast. Now instead of the bedtime story being read by an ever-tired parent, it’s usually the TV or an iPhone that lulls the child into a deep, deep, slumber. That’s pretty sad. We at Long Awkward Pause are working on an app that will read children’s stories […]

pinterest-boards May 31

The Saturday Six: Truth In Pinterest Boards

  _________________________________________________________________________________________________ Pinterest used to be about knitting, cooking, inspirational quotations, kittens, puppies, weddings, makeup and fashion. That’s when women ruled the Pinterest boards and everything was rainbows and unicorns on rainbows. Men thought Pinterest was stupid and gay… and women and gay people were OK with that. “Let them think that. Stay away from […]

us-map-wallpaper-6 May 24

The Saturday Six: The United States of What?

  _________________________________________________________________________________________________ It’s no secret that the rest of the world is not all that fond of Americans; it’s somewhat rightly deserved. American’s are proud. We are even proud of things we should not be proud of, like the fact that we are #1 in obesity, or #1 in daytime talk show drivel, or even #1 […]

batmanvssuperman May 17

The Saturday Six: Why So Sad, Batman?

     ____________________________________________________________________________________  It was announced that Ben Affleck was going to play Batman in the new movie: Batman vs. Superman. And the internet imploded…Rubix’s Cubes solved themselves…Zebras and Lions started dinning together…fruit cakes started selling in droves… No one wanted Ben Affleck to play Batman. Why? I don’t know. Ben can do brooding and […]

maxresdefault May 14

A Charming Interview With A Snake Whisperer

I hop into John Everhart’s van. No, he didn’t offer me candy. I kind of wished he did, because on the side of this particular van is a picture of John and a rather big, ugly Burmese Python. Over the picture in a font that probably predates the 1970′s  is the moniker; John Everhart Snake […]

businessfeatured May 10

The Saturday Six: Creative Business Cards

    _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ You know what you hardly see anymore nowadays?  Those fishbowl things at the local restaurant that you drop your business card into and win a burrito or free gelato for a week. You know why? Because everyone’s information is online, which means people don’t need to carry business cards anymore. And do you know what […]

Computer Nerd May 05

Nerdboy Dating 101

Here at Long Awkward Pause, we noticed that our dating advice is skewed primarily toward the female side of our readership. Always wanting to avoid a lawsuit take care of our loyal readers, we decided to try a piece from a male point of view. Unfortunately, most of the staff who pee standing up were […]

waitfeatured May 03

The Saturday Six: Wait…What?

_________________________________________________________________________________________ A parable: Once upon a time there lived a Fox. A very well spoken, very educated Fox. A Fox that enjoyed the finer things in life, like expensive wine, fast cars, barbecued turkey legs, and the opera. One day as the Fox was leaving for work in his 2014 Maserati Granturismo, he noticed that […]

unfriend May 02

Purging Facebook Friends: Psychological Warfare At Its Finest

Deep in the bunkers here at the Long Awkward Pause Command Post, we often receive emails from helpful readers who alert our crack team of investigative journalists to important breaking news stories. In accordance with our strict standards of journalistic integrity, we carefully review every submission, especially the ones that contain Starbucks gift cards and […]

choice April 26

The Saturday Six: Choices

We like choices. However, choices sometimes divide us as a nation, a culture, and a people. That can be good or that can be very, very  bad.  But that’s ok, as long as we keep it friendly, right? There is no reason that Ford people can’t get along with Chevy people right? Think about it…essentially […]

booya April 19

The Saturday Six: Pickup Lines

How to pick up woman throughout the ages: A brief look: (For the sake of one single solitary joke) Caveman: With A Club 1970s: At A Club Today, online is the place to meet people, which is good and fine, but loses the art of the pickup line. That is a shame, because men have been […]

truthjobbanner April 12

The Saturday Six: Truth In Job Titles

  ________________________________________________________________________________________________ So… You are sitting there in your cubicle, and John the Vice President of Social Advertising Media and Sales has walked by you five times now. The last time he walked by, he was wiping jelly doughnut from his tie with a single square of toilet paper. He now sits in his glass […]

Open-Mic April 05

The Saturday Six: Comedians

What makes you laugh? Besides internet cat videos? Besides farts? Besides someone with a heavy German accent pronouncing the phrase, “I would like to butter your biscuit.” What makes you roll on the floor laughing? Or ROTFLs? Maybe pajamas with the butt flap open? Or PJsWTBFOs? Maybe old ladies eating corn on the cob? Or […]

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