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Ode to Mountain Dew

February 8, 2016 // 8 Comments

According to Wikipedia, in 1940 two Tennessee beverage bottlers named Barney and Ally Hartman invented the formula for Mountain Dew.  Below is my tribute to those two fine men: I walked into the 7-11 and quickly made my way to the back of the store where the drink coolers are located.  Immediately, I could see it staring back at me. The [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Vol 18

February 6, 2016 // 9 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of rodents predicting the weather and Peyton Manning memes that is the webs of the net. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if [Click For More]

LAP’s Cooking Playlist

February 1, 2016 // 12 Comments

  I have two major passions in my life. Oops, forgot about the kids – make that THREE major passions in my life.   But this isn’t a mommy blog, so you’re stuck with the other two. The first is food.  Pretty obvious considering my blogging name, right? I love making food, eating other food that people made for me, reading about food, [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 17

January 30, 2016 // 10 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Twitter wars and life hack memes that is the world web net surfing thing. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if you’re [Click For More]

LAP’s 2016 Super Bowl Thoughts and Predictions

January 25, 2016 // 16 Comments

It’s that time of year again.  The time when we go semi-cray-cray and start figuring out creative ways to avoid our day jobs before and after the Super Bowl.  The off days before are to prepare awesome barbecue food and drink.  The days after are to sleep, vomit and medicate ourselves past the annual epic hangover we should have earned on [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 16

January 23, 2016 // 6 Comments

  Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Oscar Boycotts and “Be like Bill” memes that is the wide world of webs. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and [Click For More]

Eclectic; A Hipster Conversation

January 22, 2016 // 14 Comments

byline: Jude the Hipster Eclectic; a hipster conversation From the Merriam Webster online dictionary- ECLECTIC: (n) one who uses a method or approach that is composed of elements drawn from various sources; one who uses an eclectic method or approach. For the most part, people who use the term “eclectic” really piss me off.  Generally, people [Click For More]

Men That Cannot Get Laid

January 18, 2016 // 22 Comments

Have you ever met a straight man and thought to yourself…hmmmmmmmmmmm the only vagina you have ever seen was the one that you gave you life? The reason why they are not dating, or having any sort of a sexual relationship with a woman is because they lack communication skills. Period. End of story. Some men just do not get the concept of how to [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 15

January 16, 2016 // 5 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of gluten free recipes and armed militia memes that is the world wide Kardashian net. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like or fav or heart or whatever on their [Click For More]

2016: We Aren’t Potty Trained

January 14, 2016 // 10 Comments

2015 has come and is gone the way of anyone’s intestines after a two-hour long Indian food fest: down the drain, hopefully without the help of a plunger or a plumber. Let me further this metaphor, and I apologize ahead of time if you are currently eating. Let’s imagine that each year represents a pair of underwear in America’s [Click For More]

Handmade Is The New Sexy

January 11, 2016 // 13 Comments

We all received that special gift this past holiday. The one that someone close to you formed out of earthly elements or with wool sheared from an exotic animal. Exotic to you if you’ve never been closer to a sheep than the ones on your onesie your husband bought you as a joke but that you secretly love because it’s got a poop shoot. [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 14

January 9, 2016 // 6 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of cat videos and Nicolas Cage memes that is the world wide interwoven web (while you’re out living a real life and having a real job). You’re probably following most of them and clicking [Click For More]

Canada turns to LAP to broker peace with U.S.

January 7, 2016 // 36 Comments

                                                Special Report ALBERTA, Canada — In an unprecedented move aimed at easing tensions between the U.S. and Canada following Justin Bieber’s request for permanent U.S. citizenship, Canadian officials have agreed to what they are calling a “mutually offensive [Click For More]
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