Category Archives: Humor

clones July 30

Let’s face it, scientists: some genes are meant to be folded

It was 15 years ago this week that the bucardo mountain goat became extinct after a tree fell on the last of its species in northern Spain, prompting scientists to ponder the age-old question: If a tree falls on a goat in the woods, does it make a sound? To that end, U.S. and Spanish […]

saturn1 July 27

Heavenly Bodies

Long Awkward Pause readers are hip, informed and intelligent people. Because this is true, you like to Science, and I’ve been assigned an article to expand your universe. At least to bring space to your place. So I’m about to get all Neil deGrasse Tyson here. Maybe you thought by reading the title that this […]

img_1371 July 23

The Bible Of Secret Fast Food Menus

In the begining… Harry Synder created In-N-Out Burger, and he said “Let there be burgers and fries and shakes and let it be good.” And the public said it was good. But the public is finicky and demanded special orders, and bun-less burgers, and meatless meats and Harry Synder saw unto this, and created the In-N-Out Burger […]

Screen-Shot-2013-11-02-at-2.21.44-PM July 20

Top Staff Picks for Fiverr.com

If you are unfamiliar with Fiverr.com, it’s a website that allows people to offer their services for…well…5 bucks. You might find services like: People who will help you promote your web page. People who will design logos. People who will do video production. People who will help you design a meal. Or even people who will draw a cartoon […]

macsabbath July 15

I Was Denied An Interview With Mac Sabbath

I was in a dimly lit and small night club located off the main downtown drag…like seven blocks off to be exact. I’m pretty sure it was a Steak N’ Shake before someone decided it should be a club. A small stage stood against the back wall. It was wooden and oddly shaped. The owner’s brother-in-law probably […]

545px-Atari_Official_2012_Logo_svg July 09

CRAZY WTF NEXT LEVEL SECOND CAREERS OF FAMOUS PEOPLE – PART ONE

It takes some people all their lives to do that one great thing they were always destined to achieve. For others, they wake up on day one being great thanks to awesome parents who did all the work already. Then, there are others who just walk ass backwards into greatness. Like Shakespeare wrote “Some are […]

pin July 06

If You Make A Guy Pinterest Famous

If you make a guy Pinterest famous… It might explain why the cashier at CVS is giving you weird looks… At first you were thinking it was the huge armpit stains on your shirt, but now…now you know better. She recognized you from your uber popular and super cool Pinterest board: 51 Tie Dye Do It Yourself […]

Who's your daddy? June 20

Father’s Day – A How-To Guide

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.  Like other important holidays such as Arbor Day or National G-String Day, LAP wants to provide our expert advice to you, gentle reader, on how to properly celebrate Father’s Day with your father.  Here’s how:

dog June 16

Attention Dog Lovers Who Hate Dead Dogs On Film

Jack actually found this web site, but I stole the story from him. It’s the Internet Movie Database for whether or not a dog is killed in a movie, and it’s called: Does the Dog Die?

160px-Shot_glass_with_Fishermans_friend June 11

Let’s Do Fireball Shots! Bad Idea.

Let’s do Fireball! Yeah! Good idea! Here’s why three of your friends are going to be carrying your drunk ass home.

fathers-day-present-the-strange-team June 02

Father’s Day gift ideas you can swear by. And so will Dad

Just like Kanye West’s next public outburst, Father’s Day will be here before we know it. That means Dad will once again be wearing new underwear and smelling like he’s been attacked by a cologne salesman (who, in self defense, Dad likely strangled with his new paisley tie.) This year, why not break from tradition […]

funny-Earth-hugging-Mars May 30

This Week On Earth: May 24th – May 30th 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: May 24th – May 30th 2015

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - JULY 14:  Students throw their mortarboards in the air during their graduation photograph at the University of Birmingham degree congregations  on July 14, 2009 in Birmingham, England. Over 5000 graduates will be donning their robes this week to collect their degrees from The University of Birmingham. A recent survey suggested that there are 48 graduates competing for every job.  (Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images) May 29

Grads: Don’t look back… because your old room is already a hot tub

To this year’s high school graduates: As you cross the stage to receive your diploma, remember that you’re crossing a brand new threshold in your young life. That’s because, in most cases, your parents have already arranged for the contents of your room to be hauled onto the front lawn and sold, probably during the […]

graduation (1) May 27

2015 Advice To Graduates

Howard the manager got a request for a graduation speaker.  I was not his first choice to fill the ticket.  Actually I think he tried to get a guest blogger when the rest of the staff were busy, but the email found my inbox.  He cautioned me about not making a scene or something like […]

earth-from-space May 23

This Week On Earth: May 17th – May 23rd 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: May 17th – May 23rd 2015   This Is One Way To Make Baseball More Interesting Hey People! Cameras are everywhere! Everywhere! When are you going to realize this? Now we know Baseball is boring…we […]

key1 May 18

Read This Before You Lick Your Keyboard

Fun quiz here, people: one of the most germ-ridden areas of your house is: The toilet Your butthole The TV remote Your keyboard   If you answered A or C, you’re close. If you answered B, you didn’t read the question, unless you happen to live up your own ass. I understand this happens to […]

DWXHNK1431699548 May 16

This Week On Earth: May 10th – May 16th 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: May 10th – May 16th 2015   Puff, Puff…Can’t Pass…I’m On Satellite If you are on South African television having a debate about the legalization of marijuana, and the opposing side is nipping at […]

week-in-reveiw May 09

This Week On Earth: May 3rd – May 9th 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of:  May 3rd – May 9th 2015   This Is What Happens When You Forget To Put Extra Ketchup In The To Go Bag A crazed (and probably hopped up on the drugs) man enters a restaurant […]

Ned with an advanced copy of  "50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love." May 07

Part two: LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

As I mentioned in Part I of my Long Awkward Pause interview wth Ima Knowitall, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and was recently honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.” […]

image May 05

LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

With the release of her highly anticipated online novel Time-Traveling Vampires of Love just a few days away, I held little hope of getting an interview with Ima Knowitall when I called her private number on assignment for Long Awkward Pause this morning. Knowitall is the author of more than 40 online novels this past […]

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