Category Archives: Humor

earth-from-space May 23

This Week On Earth: May 17th – May 23rd 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: May 17th – May 23rd 2015   This Is One Way To Make Baseball More Interesting Hey People! Cameras are everywhere! Everywhere! When are you going to realize this? Now we know Baseball is boring…we […]

key1 May 18

Read This Before You Lick Your Keyboard

Fun quiz here, people: one of the most germ-ridden areas of your house is: The toilet Your butthole The TV remote Your keyboard   If you answered A or C, you’re close. If you answered B, you didn’t read the question, unless you happen to live up your own ass. I understand this happens to […]

DWXHNK1431699548 May 16

This Week On Earth: May 10th – May 16th 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: May 10th – May 16th 2015   Puff, Puff…Can’t Pass…I’m On Satellite If you are on South African television having a debate about the legalization of marijuana, and the opposing side is nipping at […]

week-in-reveiw May 09

This Week On Earth: May 3rd – May 9th 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of:  May 3rd – May 9th 2015   This Is What Happens When You Forget To Put Extra Ketchup In The To Go Bag A crazed (and probably hopped up on the drugs) man enters a restaurant […]

Ned with an advanced copy of  "50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love." May 07

Part two: LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

As I mentioned in Part I of my Long Awkward Pause interview wth Ima Knowitall, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and was recently honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.” […]

image May 05

LAP interviews self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

With the release of her highly anticipated online novel Time-Traveling Vampires of Love just a few days away, I held little hope of getting an interview with Ima Knowitall when I called her private number on assignment for Long Awkward Pause this morning. Knowitall is the author of more than 40 online novels this past […]

week-in-reveiw May 02

This Week On Earth: April 26th – May 2nd 2015

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: April 26th – May 2nd 2015 Burning Down The House At the top of the list is the Baltimore Riots. What better way to show injustice over police violence then to violently destroy your city so […]

credit: grail games April 29

Win One Zero One The Card Game!

Now that Long Awkward Pause has hit the big time…and by big time we mean ALL of our Moms now read it…we have stock piled a mass of things to give away. (Big thanks to my Mom for finally jumping on board. She was the last lone hold out.) Who doesn’t like to receive things for free? […]

Credit: kcmeesha.com April 27

McDonald’s Welcomes Joseph Stalin To Its Management Team

The following internal McDonald’s memo has been leaked to a LAP reporter. Dear valued McDonald’s employees! Our company is going through challenging times, and the best way to overcome the challenges is to select the most capable leaders to take our company forward. It is with this goal in mind that we announce some very […]

KRAFT_Macaroni-Cheese_Dinner April 23

The End of the World Tastes Like Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Because all of the Long Awkward Pause readers are smart, savvy and don’t live under rocks (except for a guy named Hogan from Idaho), you by now know that the iconic food staple of American Obesity Childhood will change.  Yes, Mac and Cheese will shift from the nuclear sunset orange color we all know and […]

bump-pic-TV April 19

LAP TV: Ridiculous News Titles And Ned’s Secrets To Incredible Acting

  Jacyln visits some ridiculous news titles found from the web and Ned takes you on an inside look into the world of acting:     MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE: Facebook: Long Awkward Pause Twitter: @LongAwkPause Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic LAP TV: YouTube Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

(image by USPS) April 08

Other Things Maya Angelou Didn’t Say, On A Stamp

Last year, noted author and poet Maya Angelou passed away. The United States Postal Service responded in the only way it could, by designing a stamp in tribute to her. Actually, a stamp isn’t the only way they could have responded. They also could have sent a nice card to her family because, after all, […]

stan lee and spider-man spidey 1974 electric company ctw marvel comics bronze age live action actor danny April 04

SPIDER-MAN SAVES EASTER!

Back in the 1970’s there was a weird phenomenon where the entertainment industry (in collusion with Hallmark) decided in order to take our minds off the Cold War and the oil crisis, our precious holidays were under attack and therefore had to be saved. You can still see the post-traumatic stress effects of this if […]

obesity March 30

Science links obesity to fat, lazy microbes

Scientists at Cornell University have created a device capable of measuring the weight of a single cell. This is big news because it moves us beyond the limits of sub-gram measurements “nano,” “pico” and “femto,” and into an exciting new realm of measurements known as “zeppo,” “harpo” and “groucho.” This could eventually lead to the […]

X-factor-one-direction-2013 March 27

Your One Direction Questions Answered

Looking for answers about One Direction and why Zayn left? I’m here for you.

st-patricks-day-2015_st-patricks-day-london-24_99ab56b2b98734fb0e9fda4d314e989c March 17

The Long Awkward St. Patrick’s Day Review

I’m trying to type quietly because I want to die.  In a burst of corporate largesse, Howard flipped me the LAP Corporate Black Card.  He commissioned me and De Voss to conduct holiday research on St. Patrick’s Day from a Boston pub crawl perspective.  What follows are my notes, made along the way.  Enjoy.  I’m […]

frozen_collage March 09

It’s March — Why aren’t you celebrating Frozen Food Month?

It’s been more than 80 years since Clarence Birdseye, inspired by ancient food preservation methods used by Arctic Eskimos, made history by introducing the very first frozen food option: “Savory Caribou on a Stick.” Though his first selection was met with little enthusiasm, Birdseye persisted and eventually created a line of frozen vegetables that many […]

manhood February 23

After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood

It was a tough week for the male persuasion. However, now that the 50 Shades of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shellshocked and checking for survivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of 50 Shades, we were also flanked by Valentine’s Day AND word of […]

reality_logo_im_a_celebrity_0 February 20

To Be Celebrity or Not To Be Celebrity

Celebrities often get a bad rap. Why? Because often they are spoiled, rich and famous. Some even like to complain about being rich and famous. That is  weird. Deep down though, who doesn’t wish they were one? It would be nice to have millions of adoring fans. It would also be nice to make headlines whenever you decided to alter our […]

TED-post-2 February 16

Spoiler Alert:  Ted 2 Movie Trailer Review

America’s favorite beer-battered stuffed animal is back in theaters soon, which will be Seth MacFarlane’s second big-screen crack at animating a character that doesn’t sound exactly like Peter Griffin. The first installment of the series added Ted’s name to a growing list of other famous character bears including:  Fozzie, Winnie, Teddy, Smokey, Yogi, and one of these […]

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