Author Archives: Katie

awksit December 15

LAP’s Awkward Situation Holiday Gift Guide

It wouldn’t be the holiday season without at least one awkward gift-giving situation that has you completely stumped. Luckily, awkward is pretty much our specialty here at Long Awkward Pause. So without further ado, here’s the very first edition of LAP’s Awkward Situation Holiday Gift Guide.

November 26

Report: Millennials Staying at the Kids’ Table Longer

Corroborating with statistics that show Millennials are living at home in their parents’ basements longer than previous generations, a new study released by researchers at Cornell University found that a startling 89% of Millennials plan on staying at the Thanksgiving kids’ table for as long as possible. “Whether the constituents of the kids’ table were […]

DSC02099 October 27

5 Last Minute DIY Halloween Costumes (For People Who Suck at DIYing)

Halloweek is upon us, and there are just five days left to find a distinctive costume that reflects your true Halloween self. Will you wear a cheesy couples costume? Will your areolas be visible? Will you be that person at a party who wears your normal, ugly clothes and makes a point of telling everyone, […]

Pure evil. September 25

Caramel Apples Are Disgusting

It officially became fall earlier this week, which means it has officially become the time of year where we must all vociferously express our disdain for all the popular food items, flavors, and fragrances of autumn. We’ve all been exposed to our share of pumpkin spice screeds, but that’s so 2013. This year, we must […]

guardians August 07

7 Reasons You Need to See Guardians of the Galaxy

Even though it made $94 million its opening weekend and your one friend who knows a little too much about the Marvel Universe has been begging you to see it, you may still be on the fence about shelling out ten bucks for a ticket and forty dollars on concession stand goods to see Guardians of the Galaxy. Your skepticism […]

monday-bad-weekend-someecards July 07

51 Thoughts We All Have After a Long Weekend

1. It possibly be Monday already. It was just starting to feel like a mini vacation, and the realization that I have to go back to being me makes me want to give up on life. 2. I’m broke now, so it’s looking like I’ll be living off of that box of Cap’n Crunch that’s […]

toe ring 2 June 23

An Open Letter to Anyone Wearing Foot Jewelry

  Dear anklet (ankle bracelet) and toe ring wearers, On behalf of the world, I want to inform you that we’re all a little perplexed as to why you’d use accessories to accentuate what is arguably the least sexy part of the human body (unless you have a foot fetish or you like a big […]

LAPpic May 29

LAP Investigates: The Ice Cream Shoppe

Here at LAP, we keep our finger on the pulse of all the latest controversies and sources of political discord. Perhaps the most significant and polarizing issue facing the modern world has come to a head recently, and in an unprecedented exposé, we’ve gone undercover at the very source of the conflict—no, not Ukraine—the local […]

3nd Annual Sean Penn & Friends HELP HAITI HOME Gala - Inside April 14

11 Hypothetical Breakups You Might Actually Care About

By now you’ve probably heard the news that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are “consciously uncoupling” (which is trendy, new-age speak for “splitting up”) after 10 years of marriage. By now you’ve also probably forgotten all about it because not one part of you remotely cares. Gwyneth Paltrow is awful, and Coldplay is overrated. (…Except […]

Screen Shot 2014-03-12 at 5.40.07 AM March 14

Irish Icon Alternatives to Replace the Shamrock

As a proud second generation half-Irish American, I get very offended every year when St. Patrick’s Day comes around. It sickens me that everyone tries to take advantage of their diluted Irish heritage just to get kisses, that imbeciles think “Patty” and “Paddy” are interchangeable, and worst of all, that the Kelly green shamrock is […]

alec February 24

Capital One Handles Business Like Your Clingy Ex

The LA Times recently posted an article criticizing credit card issuer Capital One (you know, that company you’re always getting junk mail from) for including some distressing stipulations in the recent contract updates it sent out to its cardholders (in a letter they likely didn’t open, because they assumed it was another offer for a line […]

dunce-good.jpg November 20

Guest Post: Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Contribute to Thanksgiving

  Please welcome this month’s Guest Poster Katie from Sass & Balderdash.  Things to know: She’s from Chicago, she’s funny, she likes cheesecake, and her house is made of broccoli.  OK, I lied about one of those things.  She may or may not be from Chicago.  I don’t know. —— It isn’t the road to […]

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