Author Archives: omawarisan

320px-Male_lion_African_lion August 03

Five Other Hunts By Dr. Walter Palmer

Dr. Walter Palmer admits he killed Cecil The Lion. Here are five more things to get upset with him about.

160px-Shot_glass_with_Fishermans_friend June 11

Let’s Do Fireball Shots! Bad Idea.

Let’s do Fireball! Yeah! Good idea! Here’s why three of your friends are going to be carrying your drunk ass home.

(image by USPS) April 08

Other Things Maya Angelou Didn’t Say, On A Stamp

Last year, noted author and poet Maya Angelou passed away. The United States Postal Service responded in the only way it could, by designing a stamp in tribute to her. Actually, a stamp isn’t the only way they could have responded. They also could have sent a nice card to her family because, after all, […]

X-factor-one-direction-2013 March 27

Your One Direction Questions Answered

Looking for answers about One Direction and why Zayn left? I’m here for you.

source: dividedstates.com February 06

Post Your Brian Williams Misrememberances Here.

Brian Williams. He said his helicopter was shot down, but now…not so much. Long Awkward Pause is your place to shoot Brian Williams down with your derisive misrememberances.

Image public domain January 08

You Don’t Know How I Feel – All About Windchill

How do they calculate wind chill? I’ll tell you, but I’m also going to tell you that it is bullshit.

burtreynolds December 04

Just In Time For Christmas – The Burt Reynolds Auction

Burt Reynolds. Remember him? The well-known actor with 178 film and television credits? You’d think that a guy who scored big roles in such classics as W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings, Smokey and the Bandit, Deliverance and Striptease would be squared away as far as cash flow. Apparently not. Burt is facing foreclosure on […]

JerryThomas01 November 10

A Bar Joke That Nearly Was

A priest, a lawyer and a blogger walk in to a bar. So, yeah.

peanut October 30

Mr. Peanut – Behind The Monocle, Pain

Mr. Peanut. He’s a great guy, but he’s got a flaw that leaves him vulnerable. Here’s how you can help.

pumpkins September 29

I’ve Been Meaning To Talk To You About Him…

He’s leaving. He’s taking your money with him when he does…again. How do you not see this coming?

Herve_Villechaize_1977 August 18

The Greatest Tattoo, Ever

The story of a great moment, told in the rambling style I would use if we were standing in a bar.

iphone6 July 24

Four Hot Rumors About iPhone 6

Looking for the latest rumors on iPhone 6? We’ve got a few you haven’t heard anywhere else.

sajak May 21

Pat Sajak Overheats with Global Warming Tweet

What does Pat Sajak’s tweet about global warming prove? That he doesn’t know he’s just Pat Sajak and that cough medicine is very strong.
Also, this is the only thing you’ll read all day that mentions Rolf Benirschke.

bruce April 16

What Your Boss Can Learn From Bruce Springsteen

Last weekend I was on a road trip with my son. We went to Virginia Beach to see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. This was somewhere around my eleventy-seventh Bruce show since the 1980’s; it was my son’s first. This trip was something we’ve talked about for a long time. One of the […]

goodnightmoon April 04

Goodnight Malaysian Three Seven Zero

The recent furor over the exact wording of the last broadcast from the tragically lost airliner has us wishing for a touch of moderation from the network reporters feeding off of this story and peace for the families. The words in that last cockpit transmission don’t matter as much as the dignity that “experts” and […]

images March 17

St. Patrick’s Day In Malaysia

It is St. Patrick’s Day all over the place, even Malaysia.

Flappy Bird February 13

Why Was The Flappy Bird Game Taken Down?

Why can’t you get Flappy Bird on iTunes or Google Play? We’ll explain.

bacon-sperm-egg December 30

Are Virgin Births on the Rise?

A few thoughts about virgin birth, a few days past the time this would have been timely.

On Second Thought Final November 29

If Eskimos Have Fifty Words For Snow

Pizza. One word, so many meanings. I want more words for pizza. In exchange, I’ll help you talk about reindeer testicles.

LINUS AND SALLY WAIT IN THE PUMPKIN PATCH FOR THE GREAT PUMPKIN TO APPEAR October 23

An Appointment With The Great Pumpkin

This week we are interviewing great horror movie monsters on Long Awkward Pause. We were left to choose who we’d interview. My first thought was to go with Nosferatu because how do you not dig a dude who can do this: I also thought about Dr. Caligarl, from “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari”, the weirdest, […]

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