Author Archives: Monk Monkey

5-1 April 21

A tour through my album collection

Growing up, dear children, I was not aloud to listen to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music. My father would say to me, “Monk, m’boy, if I ever see you listening to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music, I’ll slit yer face.” And so, dear, children, I never did… But in the late 1980s, something amazing happened. First, I […]

monkey_hug_1 March 19

17 Things I Know For Sure

Hello again, dear listeners. Every day, every week, every year, every month, every one asks me the same question: “How much do you know, and why don’t you tell me all you know, already?!” So, dearest listener, I have decided to partake of yon desires and giveth to thee my knowledge – wrapped up in […]

Spiders! February 25

Surviving In Australia

Dearest friends (and enemies – I love you too), Were you aware that the average life expectancy in Australia is just 27 (for men) and 28 (for women)? And do you know why? Why, it’s because of this picture which you should click on if you want to make it bigger: Wherever you turn, something […]

batt January 17

Can Board Games Improve your Health?

Listen up you bucket load of greasy chimps! In these here online digital pages I have been working my shiny butt off to get you to get happy. It seems nothing has worked and it isn’t the fault of my advice (which is brilliant), it’s all your fault, you turnips! I shall give it one […]

b-is-for-banana_worksheet December 16

Fun with Acrostics

Today I will do the unthinkable and solve two problems in one go, both with the use of poetry. Well, acrostic poetry, anyway, which I don’t think counts as poetry but we’ll let it slide like hot butter down a camel’s back (Ooh! Poetic!) First, let’s look at the strife of the humble depressed person. […]

Monk Monkey Final November 15

Bananas: Yesterday, today and forever

Now listen here all you dudes and dudettes and get with the program: the program of how to stay healthy, live well and have your mind opened by the glories upong glories, ya’ll! Many people, lizards and turtlemen come up to me and ask me the same question of me for which to get the […]

Monk Monkey October 09

The dog and the butts – A poem

Dog Doggy, sittin’ on m’knee, Dog Doggy lookin’ at 3- D pictures up on screen, But Dog Doggy, I’m so mean! I forgot your little glasses, So you can’t see 3D asses, In this porn film so greatly Capturing the moment in 3D! *** Horn Horny under me, Watching porn film in 3D, Thinks I’d […]

caffeine September 03

Are you addicted to Caffine?

Dear America, Land of the brave, the free. There is a new killer drug in your mist and it isn’t cocaine, heroin, advil or nickatine. IT’S CAFFEIEN!!! Yes, this killer addiction is stalking city streets and curbs as human after human carries around their paper cups filled to the BRIM with glorious Coffee which comes […]

twinkieprayer August 05

Twinkies: A WARNING!

Twinkies? Mention the word and shudder! This evil of evils – fanciest delight of all the demons in Heaven – is the delicious, addictive, succulent, lengthy treat of all of the evil seven dwarves (Scratchy, Itchy, Sneezy, Poochie, Ginger, Gimli and Papa Dwarf), and Geraldo! Once you eat’em, you can’t leave ‘em and they will […]

What happens to all the tweets after you #die?

Originally posted on Monk Monkey:
What will happen To all the tweets you have tweeted After you die? Will they float or fly Or just die Too? By then you may have tweeted Six billion times, or more! Or less, of course, It depends on how much you have to say. And some may never…

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