Author Archives: justingawel

jj September 02

An Unacceptable Amount of Mayonnaise – A Letter To Jimmy Johns

  Dear Mr. James of the Family John,   I’ll drop the formalities, Jimmy John; I’m going to be frank. Yesterday I thought I ordered a sandwich, but upon unwrapping the culinary atrocity you’d delivered I found nothing except disappointment and confusion—much like a child tearing open a birthday present only to find this year’s […]

Hey, look at the camera.  Look at the camera.  Hey. January 27

Christmas In January?

As I lapped up a bowl of Frosted Flakes, my eyes remaining fixated on the debatably-racist cartoon rooster promenading across the television screen. A bit of anxiety festered about a mandatory shoe-shopping excursion supposedly transpiring later, but, for the most part, this was just a normal, delightfully-lethargic Saturday morning for this six-year-old. With a slap […]

Confessions New November 25

Another Thanksgiving Without a Gravy Trough

Another Thanksgiving is here and once again my mom has put the kibosh on my gravy trough proposal. Six years have passed since I incepted this bolt of brilliance, and for six straight years my mom has refused to become a part of history. It’s all “Oh, it’s not tradition,” and “No, that would be […]

sleeping-beauty-ballet-cr October 26

Vampire Interviews, Top Gun, and Blood Sausage

It was daunting assignment and I had every right to be nervous.  Anyone would be a little scared; most people recognized how reopening a dialogue with a strange, mysterious neighbor after eighteen months of passively cherishing the mutual, silence would be more uncomfortable than fun-comfortable or pun-comfortable. My initial meeting with Devin was brief.  Having […]

coffee September 01

Coffee Addicts Anonymous

“My name is Justin.” “Hello, Justin.” “And I’m addicted to coffee. “I’m not-uh, not totally sure how this works; this is my first night.  Do I just?  Okay, I’ll just start then. “I had my first sip when I was thirteen.  You know how you do.  Just a half a cup, no more.  Home sick […]

3014051-poster-twinkies August 03

Twinkies

Seven days ago I never thought I’d make it. I made it through a week of school. I was meltdown-free for Mandatory Family Game Night. I even made it through church this morning sans incident, despite sitting next to an old woman whose hand was more scab than skin. No idea how I did it. […]

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