Author Archives: Christopher De Voss

lightsfeature December 20

The Saturday Six: Stringing Up The Lights

  Katie was in charge of decorating the office for Christmas this year. She did a really good job. Below are a few of the cubicles she gave the spirit of the Holidays too. Feel free to visit the offices if you would like to see the rest of the staff’s decorations. This is how […]

christmassweaterfeatue December 13

The Saturday Six: Christmas Sweaters

   Over the last 10 years or so a couple of new Christmas traditions have come to surface. One being that damn Elf on the Shelf… The second being bad Christmas Sweaters. Don’t get us wrong…bad Christmas Sweaters have been around since Mary knitted Joseph the first one right before Christmas number two was celebrated…but […]

meh-coffee-mug December 06

The Saturday Six: Truth In Coffee Mugs

   The best tasting, as well as most expensive coffee in the world is actually filtered through the digestive track of a monkey. That’s right… It’s made with monkey poop. We apologize if you just spit your coffee out all over yourself as you read that. We’re laughing, but we apologize. The coffee is called, […]

thanksgiving2014 November 27

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

  The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around […]

food6 November 22

The Saturday Six: Playing With Your Food

  The Food Network has been playing on the office TV a lot this month. BrainRants really likes that channel and well…we try not to mess with him or his TV time too much when he is in a good mood. And he has been in a good mood! So we let him watch his […]

buscemi163532861 November 15

The Saturday Six: She’s Got…Steve Buscemi Eyes

  Even if you think you don’t know who Steve Buscemi is…you know him. He is one of those actors whom you have seen in many different films and when he pops up in the movie, you say, “Oh yeah…that guy! He’s good! And creepy! But still good!” This is Steve Buscemi: He usually plays sleazy, […]

sexyfeat November 08

The Saturday Six: Animals That Think They Are Sexier Than You

   Everyone wants to feel sexy. Even your pets. I kind of envy the animal kingdom in the fact that they don’t have to worry about dressing up fancy, buying fancy perfume, putting on fancy makeup, and/or shaving various parts of their fancy body. They just kind of go out, make a noise, and see […]

dollampfeatured November 01

The Saturday Six: Weird Kid’s Toys

   The innocence and bill free days of childhood…. If we could only go back for one day… A day filled with Chuck E Cheese and Christmas and Easter and Birthday Parities and late night scary movies on channel 10 with your best friend… But we can’t. Right now, you are actually late for work […]

pumpkinfeature October 25

The Saturday Six: Epic Pumpkin Mannequins

   This whole month we have been talking about pumpkins. Some of us…hate them. Some of us…mildly tolerate them. One of us is excited for Christmas already. While most of the country is busy bitching about Pumpkin Spice and the other Spice Girls, and carving the traditional square, square, triangle, half moon with teeth into […]

pumpkin October 20

In Defense Of Pumpkin Season

As the Fall season is upon us once again, I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Pumpkin and get his take on the new brewing trend of hating on his kind. Pumpkin: It’s an honor to be here. I’m a big fan of Longawkwardpause.com. Although I was hoping it would be someone else doing the […]

fitsfeatured October 18

The Saturday Six: Symmetrical

   We all have that one friend…that one person…who needs everything just so, just right, everything in it’s place, everything lined up, everything where it should be… And if you can’t think of that one friend or relative who is like that….guess what? It’s you! You can call it a disorder. You can call it […]

phones October 11

The Saturday Six: Daily Life Facts

  Do you know what’s funny? The World. Do you know why it’s so gosh darn funny? Because even when you look around you and everything seems to make sense…it doesn’t. Sometimes if you take a moment to peel back the layers, nothing at all makes sense. Take for example: Turtle Neck Sweaters. On the […]

costumefeatured October 04

The Saturday Six: Group Halloween Costumes

  Halloween will be here faster than you know it. When most of the staffers at Long Awkward Pause were kids, the vinyl costume ruled the streets. This was the one where the mask was plastic and went around your head with an elastic band. While the costume itself, you stepped into like surgical scrubs, […]

themoreyouknow October 02

This Week I Learned Pt III

Reddit.com has this great feature called: Today I Learned, which complies little interesting and trivial facts about random things. We here at Long Awkward Pause have gathered a sample of some that we found worthy of mention:   A company is now able to mass produce spider silk. They inserted the genes of the spider into […]

cfeature September 27

The Saturday Six: Coloring Book Corruptions

   As a child, coloring was always a good time waster. It didn’t matter whether or not you colored in the lines, out of the lines, or  like Robin Thicke, and colored with blurred lines. And half naked dancing girls. And Miley Cyrus, with a foam finger. Taking a poll amongst the staffers of Long Awkward […]

notesfeature September 20

The Saturday Six: Passive/Aggressive Notes

   We all have that one friend…that one person…who is soooooo passive/aggressive it just kills you. Like they ooze it. You know whenever you engage this person in conversation, you will immediately end up with a headache. One example of our favorite passive/aggressive things that people do, is when they have a name that is […]

inventions September 16

The Greatest Inventions That Don’t Get Enough Credit

Throughout the decades and centuries there has been some inventions that have changed the world….fire, the wheel, the assembly line, the Victoria Secret Bra,and the iPhone….just to name a few. But there are the unsung heroes of the invention world that never get any praise or spotlight, yet we can’t live without them.   The Windshield […]

pizzafeature September 13

The Saturday Six: Pizza! Pizza!

   There are a list of perfect foods in the world. Everyone’s order of the foods would be different, but we think the list would be fairly similar for everyone. One of the foods in the list would definitely be pizza. And how could it not? It’s almost the perfect food. You could make the crust anything […]

mobile-15632-1409343324-30 September 06

The Saturday Six: Awkward Kid Photos

   Ah…. The innocence of youth, and how it’s wasted on the young. Those darling apples of your eyes… Hey…what does that mean anyway? Apples don’t have eyes. Eyes don’t have apples. Oops. Sorry. We digress. Let’s try again. Those darling apples of your eyes…. Listen…seriously…who came up with that? Potatoes have eyes. That would […]

common-core-math-problem September 05

Common Core – The Death Of Math As We Know It (And Not In A Good Way)

“Daddy, I need your help,” the 7 year old says to me. “Sure honey…with what?” I respond. “Homework. Math. I don’t understand it.” Second grade math. Easy. Addition. Subtraction. Piece. Of. Cake. Now is my chance to look like a Super Hero! Captain Mathman! Super Subtraction-man! The Great Additionanator! With great pride and bravado I […]

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