Long Awkward Pause is a satirical online magazine. We talk about everything: pop culture, food, music, dating, miscellaneous life events, interviews, and editorial stuff. We do not cover Popsicle stick crafts or related hobbies, 18th century British literature, or international donkey racing.
Don’t ask us to, either.
(Unless there is money involved.)
Christoper De Voss CEO, Director of Social Media, Writer
One of the founding members of the now defunct Left of Center Comedy Group. Former member of the now disbanded electronic group Solid Falling. Writer on the award winning, now shut down website: The Waiter’s Revenge. Bad Vine maker. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter, or don’t. Currently living in Orlando, Florida.
Chowderhead Director of Marketing, Graphics, Writer
Before landing a job here at Long Awkward Pause, I spent a summer touring the countryside as a carnival worker guessing people’s hair color. I digress; it wasn’t actually an entire summer. I only made it to one dumpy town somewhere outside of Milwaukee before I told my boss, Leon, who was a dipshit, that I was color blind.
Singlegirlie Staff Writer, LA Expert
Los Angeles-based writer and creator of the popular blog SingleGirlBlogging.com, which was nominated for an LA Weekly Web Award and named one of the 10 Best Funny Dating Blogs by DatingAdvice.com. She trained in comedy and improv with the renowned Groundlings Theater in Los Angeles. She is thrilled to be contributing to LAP, but honestly doesn’t know how she is going to write anything of substance now that Chris said she can’t use the F word.
Mike Calahan Staff Writer, Play-by-Play Analysis
Writer living in California’s Bay Area with his wife and pets, too many cans of pomade, an overactive imagination and a front lawn made up entirely of rocks and gophers.
Ned Hickson Staff Writer, Jurnalism Degree
Editor and syndicated humor columnist at Siuslaw News, a small Oregon newspaper where the motto is: Your dependable source for local news. Twice weekly. Unless we lose count. Ned enjoys utilizing his home repair skills to make improvements, such as being able to flush the toilet by turning on the garbage disposal.
Katie Holmes Staff Writer, Permanent Chicago Tourist
First woman to ever disguise a zit as a freckle using a black and white photo filter. Founder of an underground coalition of Chicagoans who think Chicago-style pizza is pretentious. Writer, blogger, Disney movie aficionado.
AD-LIBBED Staff Writer, Recovering Misanthrope
36% humorist, 23% writer, 34% blogger, 14% actor, 17% IT uber-geek, and 87% guy who never really understood how percentages work.
Justin Gawel Staff Writer, Adult Baby
True apathy enthusiast and Maury Povich devotee. Writes here as well as ThoughtCatalog, BroBible, Guyism, and JustinGawel.com.
Omawarisan Staff Writer, Balloon Animal Expert
Raised by clowns. Now in his early 50s, he is still in recovery and has an incurable fear of balloon animals. Best known for inventing the octagon, he now focuses his creative energy on writing.
BrainRants Staff Writer, Life Coach
A career Army Soldier and tanker, BrainRants has been all over the world, mostly in places beginning with ‘K,’ and the obligatory sabbaticals in the ‘Stan. His effervescent and irrepressible personality has been used by Norm Abram to strip varnish from boats in New England. Harnessing his pent-up frustrations, anger and confusion, he vents poetically and from the gutter, mainly.
Monk Monkey Staff Writer, Teacher
Monk Monkey – Remember how they got a thousand monkeys to write on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years to try and write the great novels of the world? I was one of those monkeys. It was my job to write The Life of Pi. I got there – after 432 years. Despite a lifetime of service and getting bad arthritis in all my fingers and wrists, they fired me because I accidentally spelled Pi as Pie all the way through. Jerks.
Wrong Hands, Staff Artist, Web Comic Extraordinaire
I do web comics.
Miss Melisa Mae, Vodka Taste Tester, Staff Writer
Avid fan of anything Def Leppard, Chuck Norris, and vodka. If she could meet Chuck Norris while listening to Def Leppard and drinking vodka, all the better. She has a B.A. in B.S. and likes referring to herself in the third person because it makes her feel special. Her mother may or may not have dropped her as a baby.
The Podcast Team
Jack DeVoss – DeVoss began his radio career in 1993 at WWCD 101.1FM, taking his massive knowledge of all musical things awesome, he was promoted to Music Director / Assistant Program Director and over the 13 years he was on air, DeVoss helped to define the brand new alternative rock radio format – breaking new rock bands onto the national scene like Pearl Jam, Blink 182, The Killers, The Strokes, Pete Yorn, Radiohead, Interpol, The White Stripes, and hundreds more. He was the music critic for Citizen Culture Magazine and has been to SXSW enough times to be banned from three different hotels. In 2010 DeVoss moved to Cork, Ireland and spent two years working in the Guinness mines.
He now resides in an abandoned church in downtown Columbus, Ohio where he writes freelance and has a major drinking problem.
Contact Chris De Voss or Chowderhead HERE if you are interested in finding out more about sponsorship.