Long Awkward Pause is a satirical online magazine. We talk about everything from: pop culture, food, music, dating, miscellaneous life events, interviews, and editorial stuff. We do not cover Popsicle stick crafts or related hobbies, 18th century British literature, or international donkey racing.


Don’t ask us to, either.

(Unless there is money involved.)

The Staff

 imageNed Hickson  Staff Writer, Jurnalism Degree

Editor and syndicated humor columnist at Siuslaw News, a small Oregon newspaper where the motto is: Your dependable source for local news. Twice weekly. Unless we lose count. Ned enjoys utilizing his home repair skills to make improvements, such as being able to flush the toilet by turning on the garbage disposal.

His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole PublicationsAmazon.com and Barnes & Noble .  Twitter:  @NedHickson


katieKatie Hoffman Staff Writer, Permanent Chicago Tourist

First woman to ever disguise a zit as a freckle using a black and white photo filter. Founder of an underground coalition of Chicagoans who think Chicago-style pizza is pretentious. Writer, blogger, Disney movie aficionado.

Twitter: @katienotholmes



Omawarisan  Staff Writer, Balloon Animal Expert

Raised by clowns. Now in his early 50s, he is still in recovery and has an incurable fear of balloon animals. Best known for inventing the octagon, he now focuses his creative energy on writing.

Twitter:  @BlurtBlog


BrainrantsBrainRants  Staff Writer, Life Coach

A career Army Soldier and tanker, BrainRants has been all over the world, mostly in places beginning with ‘K,’ and the obligatory sabbaticals in the ‘Stan.  His effervescent and irrepressible personality has been used by Norm Abram to strip varnish from boats in New England.  Harnessing his pent-up frustrations, anger and confusion, he vents poetically and from the gutter, mainly.

Twitter:  @Brain_Rants



Gunmetal Geisha Staff Writer, Dances With Butterflies

Beauty and Brains. A former assassin for 2/3rds of Asia. Never ask her to order pizza with mushrooms on it. Using questionable judgment so you won’t have to at gunmetalgeisha.com. Check her out on Instagram and like her on Facebook.

Twitter:  @GunmetalGeisha


blogdramedy Blogdramedy Staff Writer, Flying Monkey Wrangler

Recovering PR specialist who now spends her days helping non-profits communicate effectively. They rarely listen to her advice. An impetuous, quirky, sarcastic introvert who uses mostly the good words. Played the part of Bunny, the unconscious hooker, in Neil Simon’s “California Suite” to sitting ovation. Inventor of #bitchtweet on Twitter.  Twitter: @blogdramedy



Jaclyn Ashley  Staff Writer, Snark

YouTube expert on four different continents.





The Food and Wine Hedonist Staff Writer, Eats And Drinks Stuff

The Hedonist was born in the Philippines, lived most of his life in the Chicago area, and currently lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan. His main qualification for writing about food is that he’s eaten at least once a day for as long as he can remember.  He does have formal sommelier training, though, so he does know more than most people about beverages.

Twitter: @FWHedonist



The Podcast Team

Jack DeVossJack DeVoss  Podcast, Meme Generator

DeVoss began his radio career in 1993 at WWCD 101.1FM, taking his massive knowledge of all musical things awesome, he was promoted to Music Director / Assistant Program Director and over the 13 years he was on air, DeVoss helped to define the brand new alternative rock radio format – breaking new rock bands onto the national scene like Pearl Jam, Blink 182, The Killers, The Strokes, Pete Yorn, Radiohead, Interpol, The White Stripes, and hundreds more. He was the music critic for Citizen Culture Magazine and has been to SXSW enough times to be banned from three different hotels. In 2010 DeVoss moved to Cork, Ireland and spent two years working in the Guinness mines.

He now resides in an abandoned church in downtown Columbus, Ohio where he writes freelance and has a major drinking problem. Twitter: @holdensolo


Joe JewettJoe Jewett  Podcast, Co Anchor

Joe is a first class skeptic, a second class cynic, and a part time introvert. Also, not a fan of the oxford comma.

Twitter: @joejewett


chrisChristopher De Voss
Podcast, Producer, Writer

Former writer now transitioning to the world of talking. Likes Cheese.

Twitter: @chrisdevoss

 The Facebook Team



Patricia Bachus-Hargis  Facebook

All those funny pictures and posts on Facebook….they don’t appear out of thin air!





ChowderChowderhead Graphics, Writer

Before landing a job here at Long Awkward Pause, I spent a summer touring the countryside as a carnival worker guessing people’s hair color.  I digress; it wasn’t actually an entire summer.  I only made it to one dumpy town somewhere outside of Milwaukee before I told my boss, Leon, who was a dipshit, that I was color blind.

Twitter:  @ASendek



Contact Chris De Voss or Chowderhead HERE if you are interested in finding out more about sponsorship.

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