About

Long Awkward Pause is a satirical online magazine. We talk about everything: pop culture, food, music, dating, miscellaneous life events, interviews, and editorial stuff. We do not cover Popsicle stick crafts or related hobbies, 18th century British literature, or international donkey racing.

Sorry.

Don’t ask us to, either.

(Unless there is money involved.)

The Staff

ChrisChristoper De Voss CEO, Director of Social Media, Writer

One of the founding members of the now defunct Left of Center Comedy Group. Former member of the now disbanded electronic group Solid Falling. Writer on the award winning, now shut down website: The Waiter’s Revenge. Bad Vine maker. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter, or don’t. Currently living in Orlando, Florida.

Twitter:  @chrisdevoss

 

Ned

Ned Hickson  Staff Writer, Jurnalism Degree

Editor and syndicated humor columnist at Siuslaw News, a small Oregon newspaper where the motto is: Your dependable source for local news. Twice weekly. Unless we lose count. Ned enjoys utilizing his home repair skills to make improvements, such as being able to flush the toilet by turning on the garbage disposal.

His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole PublicationsAmazon.com and Barnes & Noble .  

Twitter:  @NedHickson

 

katieKatie Holmes  Staff Writer, Permanent Chicago Tourist

First woman to ever disguise a zit as a freckle using a black and white photo filter. Founder of an underground coalition of Chicagoans who think Chicago-style pizza is pretentious. Writer, blogger, Disney movie aficionado.

Twitter: @katienotholmes

 

Oma

Omawarisan  Staff Writer, Balloon Animal Expert

Raised by clowns. Now in his early 50s, he is still in recovery and has an incurable fear of balloon animals. Best known for inventing the octagon, he now focuses his creative energy on writing.

Twitter:  @BlurtBlog

 

BrainrantsBrainRants  Staff Writer, Life Coach

A career Army Soldier and tanker, BrainRants has been all over the world, mostly in places beginning with ‘K,’ and the obligatory sabbaticals in the ‘Stan.  His effervescent and irrepressible personality has been used by Norm Abram to strip varnish from boats in New England.  Harnessing his pent-up frustrations, anger and confusion, he vents poetically and from the gutter, mainly.

Twitter:  @Brain_Rants

 

geisha

Gunmetal Geisha Staff Writer, Dances With Butterflies

Beauty and Brains. A former assassin for 2/3rds of Asia. Never ask her to order pizza with mushrooms on it.

Using questionable judgment so you won’t have to: Check her out on gunmetalgeisha and follow her on Facebook.

Twitter:  @GunmetalGeisha

 

John

The Food and Wine Hedonist Staff Writer, Eats And Drinks Stuff

The Hedonist was born in the Philippines, lived most of his life in the Chicago area, and currently lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan. His main qualification for writing about food is that he’s eaten at least once a day for as long as he can remember.  He does have formal sommelier training, though, so he does know more than most people about beverages.

Twitter: @FWHedonist

 

singlegirlieSinglegirlie Staff Writer, LA Expert

Los Angeles-based writer and creator of the popular blog SingleGirlBlogging.com, which was nominated for an LA Weekly Web Award and named one of the 10 Best Funny Dating Blogs by DatingAdvice.com. She trained in comedy and improv with the renowned Groundlings Theater in Los Angeles. She is thrilled to be contributing to LAP, but honestly doesn’t know how she is going to write anything of substance now that Chris said she can’t use the F word.

Twitter:  @singlegirlie

 

troyAD-LIBBED  Staff Writer, Recovering Misanthrope

36% humorist, 23% writer, 34% blogger, 14% actor, 17% IT uber-geek, and 87% guy who never really understood how percentages work.

Twitter:  @iamtroyberg

 

 

Justin GJustin Gawel  Staff Writer, Adult Baby

True apathy enthusiast and Maury Povich devotee. Writes here as well as ThoughtCatalog, BroBible, Guyism, and JustinGawel.com.

Twitter: @justingawel

@justingawel

 

Mike

Mike Calahan  Staff Writer, Play-by-Play Analysis

Writer living in California’s Bay Area with his wife and pets, too many cans of pomade, an overactive imagination and a front lawn made up entirely of rocks and gophers.

Twitter:  @mikecalahan

 

Miss Melisa Mae

 

Miss Melisa Mae Staff Writer, Vodka Taste Tester

Avid fan of anything Def Leppard, Chuck Norris, and vodka. If she could meet Chuck Norris while listening to Def Leppard and drinking vodka, all the better. She has a B.A. in B.S. and likes referring to herself in the third person because it makes her feel special. Her mother may or may not have dropped her as a baby.

Twitter:  @MissMelisaMae

 


 

The Podcast Team

Jack DeVossJack DeVoss  Podcast, Meme Generator

DeVoss began his radio career in 1993 at WWCD 101.1FM, taking his massive knowledge of all musical things awesome, he was promoted to Music Director / Assistant Program Director and over the 13 years he was on air, DeVoss helped to define the brand new alternative rock radio format – breaking new rock bands onto the national scene like Pearl Jam, Blink 182, The Killers, The Strokes, Pete Yorn, Radiohead, Interpol, The White Stripes, and hundreds more. He was the music critic for Citizen Culture Magazine and has been to SXSW enough times to be banned from three different hotels. In 2010 DeVoss moved to Cork, Ireland and spent two years working in the Guinness mines.

He now resides in an abandoned church in downtown Columbus, Ohio where he writes freelance and has a major drinking problem.

 

Joe JewettJoe Jewett  Podcast, Co Anchor

What’s up.

 

 


 YouTube

jacklynJaclyn Ashley  Videos, Snark

YouTube expert on four different continents.

@JaclynAshley79

 

 


The Facebook Team

patricia

 

Patricia Bachus-Hargis  Facebook

All those funny pictures and posts on Facebook….they don’t appear out of thin air!

 

 


 

Graphics

ChowderChowderhead Graphics, Writer

Before landing a job here at Long Awkward Pause, I spent a summer touring the countryside as a carnival worker guessing people’s hair color.  I digress; it wasn’t actually an entire summer.  I only made it to one dumpy town somewhere outside of Milwaukee before I told my boss, Leon, who was a dipshit, that I was color blind.

Twitter:  @ASendek

 


Marketing/Advertising:

Contact Chris De Voss or Chowderhead HERE if you are interested in finding out more about sponsorship.

Other Places to Find Long Awkward Pause

Web: LongAwkwardPause.com
Facebook: facebook.com/Long-Awkward-Pause
Twitter: @LongAwkPause
YouTube: Long Awkward Pause