Monthly Archives: April 2014

April 30

7 Must-See Commercial Parodies

  Jean-Claude Van Damme Volvo Commercial In what can only be considered the work of marketing geniuses, Volvo found a way to equate the most epic of splits with precision steering. And who better to take on the daunting task of traveling spread eagle between two moving semi-trucks than Jean-Claude Van Damme? With “a pair […]

Dancing around the May Pole together. April 28

Like Justin Timberlake and sexy, I’m bringin’ May Day back

Somewhere, lost between the risen Lord of Easter Sunday and the more laid-back Dos Equis guy of Cinco de Mayo, is the Roman flower goddess Flora, who used to reign supreme as THE party icon this time of year. Nowadays, any May Pole dancing is purely coincidental, at strip clubs, with the only reference to […]

gingercrowd April 27

Burn Gingers And Save The Planet!

  Everybody please welcome guest speaker Jim O’Sullivan from GingerFightBack.com.  On Jim’s page you will find gingers, poetry, nonsense, red hair, hope, and sausages. Not necessarily in that order. Jim is a great friend of LAP so be sure to check out his site. Also, if you are a ginger and are having trouble with bullies, Jim has […]

choice April 26

The Saturday Six: Choices

We like choices. However, choices sometimes divide us as a nation, a culture, and a people. That can be good or that can be very, very  bad.  But that’s ok, as long as we keep it friendly, right? There is no reason that Ford people can’t get along with Chevy people right? Think about it…essentially […]

xray April 25

Revisiting Classic Comic Book Adverts (Part One)

I have been a fan of comic books since forever, but they have evolved over the years and not always for the better. For instance, in the 1970’s and early 1980’s comic books were a treasure trove of some of the greatest advertisements ever conceived by man. Now thanks to the internet, we don’t get […]

circletalker April 23

Talking in Circles with Circle Talkers

 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ What’s up? It’s an easy question that should illicit a straightforward and immediate reply. In fact, “not much” would be adequate enough, because that would mean that the conversation is now over and we can all move on with our lives with a sense of closure in regard to the initial inquiry into your […]

5-1 April 21

A tour through my album collection

Growing up, dear children, I was not aloud to listen to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music. My father would say to me, “Monk, m’boy, if I ever see you listening to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music, I’ll slit yer face.” And so, dear, children, I never did… But in the late 1980s, something amazing happened. First, I […]

booya April 19

The Saturday Six: Pickup Lines

How to pick up woman throughout the ages: A brief look: (For the sake of one single solitary joke) Caveman: With A Club 1970s: At A Club Today, online is the place to meet people, which is good and fine, but loses the art of the pickup line. That is a shame, because men have been […]

bullet April 18

The Bullet Points

It’s time once again to wake Rants up way too early. deny him his coffee and bacon, and throw today’s headlines at him to get his take on the top stories. Did I mention that we have to wear one of those protective suits that attack dogs practice on? Did I mention we all have to leave […]

Tony Hale Banner April 17

The Over The Line Show with Special Guest Comedian Mike Birbiglia

On Today’s Show:  Special Guest Comedian Mike Birbiglia A Comedian, author, actor and playwright Mike had a hugely successful one-man show Sleepwalk With Me, a mixture of comedy and confession. For tour information check out his web site: here. You can download the episode or listen on the Podomatic App here: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/entry/2014-04-14T18_35_46-07_00 Official PauseCast Page: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/ iTunes: Over The Line […]

bruce April 16

What Your Boss Can Learn From Bruce Springsteen

Last weekend I was on a road trip with my son. We went to Virginia Beach to see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. This was somewhere around my eleventy-seventh Bruce show since the 1980′s; it was my son’s first. This trip was something we’ve talked about for a long time. One of the […]

3nd Annual Sean Penn & Friends HELP HAITI HOME Gala - Inside April 14

11 Hypothetical Breakups You Might Actually Care About

By now you’ve probably heard the news that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are “consciously uncoupling” (which is trendy, new-age speak for “splitting up”) after 10 years of marriage. By now you’ve also probably forgotten all about it because not one part of you remotely cares. Gwyneth Paltrow is awful, and Coldplay is overrated. (…Except […]

truthjobbanner April 12

The Saturday Six: Truth In Job Titles

  ________________________________________________________________________________________________ So… You are sitting there in your cubicle, and John the Vice President of Social Advertising Media and Sales has walked by you five times now. The last time he walked by, he was wiping jelly doughnut from his tie with a single square of toilet paper. He now sits in his glass […]

6 Reasons (1) April 11

6 Reasons the Zombie Apocalypse Might Not Be Such A Bad Thing

An incredible amount of worry and scholarly discourse has been dedicated to the potential devastation of a Zombie Apocalypse. There’s a lot of talk about stockpiling rations, antibiotics and firearms but let’s take a moment to focus on the positive– many wonderful things will arise from a worldwide pandemic of brain-devouring undead. 1.)  The Following […]

angrywomandriver April 09

51 Things You’re Thinking On Your Morning Commute

Universal Thoughts 1. UGGGGHHH I’m so tired. Why did I have to stay up so late watching Conan/taking BuzzFeed quizzes/jerking off to porn? 2. Seriously, I’m like the walking dead. Except less attractive. And more dead. 3. What would happen if I called in sick? 4. Would everyone know I’m faking it? 5. I’ll have […]

baseball April 07

The All-Time Best Fictional Baseball Team Ever Produced by Hollywood Movies

The 2014 Major League Baseball season has begun and to kick it off here’s a look at the best baseball players and coaches at each position from the minds of the screenwriters, directors, and actors in Hollywood.   Roy Hobbs – Right Field, The Natural (1984) This 35 year old rookie and former pitching phenom […]

Open-Mic April 05

The Saturday Six: Comedians

What makes you laugh? Besides internet cat videos? Besides farts? Besides someone with a heavy German accent pronouncing the phrase, “I would like to butter your biscuit.” What makes you roll on the floor laughing? Or ROTFLs? Maybe pajamas with the butt flap open? Or PJsWTBFOs? Maybe old ladies eating corn on the cob? Or […]

goodnightmoon April 04

Goodnight Malaysian Three Seven Zero

The recent furor over the exact wording of the last broadcast from the tragically lost airliner has us wishing for a touch of moderation from the network reporters feeding off of this story and peace for the families. The words in that last cockpit transmission don’t matter as much as the dignity that “experts” and […]

warnog April 02

Warnog The Beer Of Champion Klingons

It’s Saturday night on the star ship. You and your fellow hundred companions are off duty for the evening. It’s time to head down to flight deck 12 where the bar is located and get your brew on! So you put on a new, nicely pressed red shirt, which is all you ever wear…whether you’re on […]

cropped-long-awkward-pause-final-banner1.jpg April 01

LAP Featured on WordPress News

In case you missed it: For the first time ever, this is not a spoof news announcement: The entire LAP cast was featured on WordPress News, so please join us for an insightful interview into the underworkings and underwears of of this marvelously disorganized humor mag of sorts! CLICK HERE to read the full interview We will […]

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 5,845 other followers