BAM! There he was! December 18

And here’s that time I was stalked by Santa

If you follow me Facebook or Twitter (probably against your better judgement) then you may have seen this photo taken a few days ago by a security camera at Fred Meyer. Many of you have asked what the story is behind this bizarre image, which some have compared to the famous 1967 footage of Bigfoot […]

awksit December 15

LAP’s Awkward Situation Holiday Gift Guide

It wouldn’t be the holiday season without at least one awkward gift-giving situation that has you completely stumped. Luckily, awkward is pretty much our specialty here at Long Awkward Pause. So without further ado, here’s the very first edition of LAP’s Awkward Situation Holiday Gift Guide.

take-that-young December 14

5 of the WORST Boy Band Lyrics – LAP TV

Introducing LAP TV with your host: Jaclyn! Join her as she counts down the 5 worst boy band lyrics.

christmassweaterfeatue December 13

The Saturday Six: Christmas Sweaters

   Over the last 10 years or so a couple of new Christmas traditions have come to surface. One being that damn Elf on the Shelf… The second being bad Christmas Sweaters. Don’t get us wrong…bad Christmas Sweaters have been around since Mary knitted Joseph the first one right before Christmas number two was celebrated…but […]

03 December 11

LONG AWKWARD PAUSE PRESENTS: DECEMBER HOROSCOPES 2014

December 2014 Horoscopes – Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Pokemon collector, and Crypto-zoologist The fire trine that Uranus (located in the naughty list) will form with Jupiter (located in the nice list) and with the fast planets that will cross Sagittarius (Venus, Mercury) will bring a wave of enthusiastic dynamism, of interest in changes, […]

facebook December 08

99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

If you have spent more than a few minutes on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of Facebook posts are actually very similar in nature. In fact, you could probably rephrase most of Facebook posts as one of the updates below, thus summarizing 99% of entire Facebook in fewer than 100 words.

meh-coffee-mug December 06

The Saturday Six: Truth In Coffee Mugs

   The best tasting, as well as most expensive coffee in the world is actually filtered through the digestive track of a monkey. That’s right… It’s made with monkey poop. We apologize if you just spit your coffee out all over yourself as you read that. We’re laughing, but we apologize. The coffee is called, […]

burtreynolds December 04

Just In Time For Christmas – The Burt Reynolds Auction

Burt Reynolds. Remember him? The well-known actor with 178 film and television credits? You’d think that a guy who scored big roles in such classics as W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings, Smokey and the Bandit, Deliverance and Striptease would be squared away as far as cash flow. Apparently not. Burt is facing foreclosure on […]

blackfriday December 01

Black Friday

I’m sitting here staring at the blinking cursor trying to figure out a post for this month.  Two things are causing me epic writer block.  The first is the fact that thanks to my family, I’ve finally been let in on the secret of “What Does the Fox Say?”  I’m firm in my belief I […]

One-Direction-American-Music-Awards-2014 November 28

A RECAP OF THE 2014 AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

It’s time for the American Music Awards! Where America honors music because freedom! All awards are hatched by bald eagles and stored inside the Statue of Liberty until the ceremony. Actually, The American Music Awards were created by Dick Clark in 1973 for ABC when the network’s contract to present the Grammy Awards expired. Unlike […]

thanksgiving2014 November 27

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

  The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around […]

November 26

Report: Millennials Staying at the Kids’ Table Longer

Corroborating with statistics that show Millennials are living at home in their parents’ basements longer than previous generations, a new study released by researchers at Cornell University found that a startling 89% of Millennials plan on staying at the Thanksgiving kids’ table for as long as possible. “Whether the constituents of the kids’ table were […]

caryelwes__140613003623 November 25

The Over The Line Show #10: Guests Cary Elwes and Bar Rescue. Music By Craymo

On Today’s Show: We are talking Bill Cosby controversy as well as to actor Cary Elwes from Glory, Saw, and Princess Bride. Also on the show, the producer of Spike TV’s: Bar Rescue This episodes musical guest: Craymo. Be Myself by Orlando indie singer/songwriter Craymo is an anti-bullying pop anthem about embracing individuality and having […]

wine memecentercom November 24

Long Awkward Pause’s Holiday Wine Buying Guide

Ahhh, it’s that time of year again.  All those drunken family get-togethers, work events, neighborhood gatherings all filled with merriment, dancing, and probably a decent amount of debauchery. Holidays?  Heck, that was my last weekend. The holidays can be a very stressful time.  Maybe you have to think of an excuse for skipping out on the family […]

food6 November 22

The Saturday Six: Playing With Your Food

  The Food Network has been playing on the office TV a lot this month. BrainRants really likes that channel and well…we try not to mess with him or his TV time too much when he is in a good mood. And he has been in a good mood! So we let him watch his […]

shopping November 20

Male Aversion To Holiday Shopping Linked To Survival Instinct

It’s an American tradition: Kicking off the holiday shopping season by spending the morning after Thanksgiving standing in line at your favorite department store, shivering in the pre-dawn hours, determined to be among the first to get through the doors before your holiday dinner bowel movement hits. It’s a calculated risk, but one we are […]

hollywood_film__awards_766x432 November 17

A RECAP OF THE 2014 HOLLYWOOD FILM AWARDS IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

And now it’s time for what CBS is desperately trying to market as “The first awards show of the season”, yes it’s the “Hollywood Film Awards.” What the hell are The Hollywood Film Awards? Well, it seems that the Hollywood Film Awards began in 1997 but tonight is the first time they have ever been […]

buscemi163532861 November 15

The Saturday Six: She’s Got…Steve Buscemi Eyes

  Even if you think you don’t know who Steve Buscemi is…you know him. He is one of those actors whom you have seen in many different films and when he pops up in the movie, you say, “Oh yeah…that guy! He’s good! And creepy! But still good!” This is Steve Buscemi: He usually plays sleazy, […]

3561390ca65cdea4fcc127f4b3ca0bb4 November 13

LONG AWKWARD PAUSE PRESENTS: NOVEMBER HOROSCOPES 2014

November 2014 Horoscopes – Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Netflix Subscriber, and Crypto-zoologist November 2014 will be a complex month, inconsistent and tough. Mars and Pluto will be together in Capricorn – a strong, determined combination, which will admirably focus on goals but which does not joke around and can generate radical, shocking, destructive […]

JerryThomas01 November 10

A Bar Joke That Nearly Was

A priest, a lawyer and a blogger walk in to a bar. So, yeah.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,152 other followers